Friday, May 4, 2012

prayer and purpose.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about Jesus. Like, more than usual. I was on the phone with Andrew last night and I said, "Sometimes I wonder if I really know Him at all." The thing I've struggled with the most ever since coming back from my Casas internship is this: finding purpose in working for Christ here. Every day when I was in Juarez, I felt like I had a purpose. For the longest time (and still some days now) I missed the days when I'd come home filthy with new blisters and a sore back as proof that I was doing something that mattered. Just thinking about the months after I returned, sitting in class and not caring what was being taught because I knew that my friends just 12 hours south of me were hurting and makes my heart hurt.

It's been hard for me to understand that I am working for the Lord here too. I love this job and the kids I see every day. And for the first time in two years, thanks to my students and the teachers that surround me, I feel like I'm doing something that matters. My new problem is that I am lukewarm. I wake up, I go to school, I come home, watch a movie, plan a lesson or two, read a new book, and then go to bed, with some prayer and Bible reading sprinkled throughout. I truly long to have God consume each and every one of my days. I just don't know how to get there sometimes, when I'm so exhausted that all I want is to lay on the couch or sleep.

So this morning I got an email from Pioneer Bible Translators. They came to MCC a few years ago when I was still there, and I gave them my email because I was interested in the work they were doing. The thing that is amazing to me is that even though I have never gone to work with them, they continuously email me to see how I am doing and ask if they can pray for me. I was so convicted reading this email, because they've never even met me and they always email me personally (not like a mass email) to see how I'm doing. I forget to pray for even my closest friends and this ministry remembers me. In this email, they asked me, "Hey, aren't you graduating soon?" Me: Uhhhh, yes?! How do you remember this stuff? (I didn't say that, but I thought it.) "Oh, and we still pray for you, Aubrie."

I long for my life to have this purpose. To live every day with a mission. To pray for people I've never met, as well as continually praying for people I know. My life is lukewarm, and I'm tired of it. I think this month and this summer mark a new beginning for me (praise God for new beginnings.) I'm graduating in a week and I'm getting married in a little more than two months to a man who encourages me to pray every day.

I encourage you, my friends, to seek Christ daily. He is our only hope. And I believe he hears even the smallest of prayer requests. There is a lot of work to be done for the Kingdom, and I hope I'm ready for this new beginning in my life. I am praying that God uses me and the other graduates for His purposes.