there are days...

Life's been crazy lately. Crazy good. I can say that over the last month I have been happier than I probably have been since I left Juarez last August. God has been working in my life in pretty silent ways lately, if that makes sense. I see Him every day and think about Him often. I have been very blessed this summer.

Last night I asked myself the same question I asked myself all summer last year. Why is it that I get to live here? Why do I get to eat three times a day and sleep in my own bed and turn on the AC? I have been very blessed this summer. I've been to Hawaii and Florida, and next week will leave for Seattle. I've spent time with friends and a pretty cool guy. I've worked so much that people at work have become like family (it seriously is gonna break my heart to leave that place when I graduate).

Lately I have been seeking out what I should do after I graduate. And you know what? I haven't really got a clue. I have ideas. I have hopes. But I am learning in life that you really can't plan much.

For the past few years I have had this dream that I could one day move to El Paso/Juarez and find a teaching position on the El Paso side. I want to open a school in Juarez, like a Saturday school, where people could come and learn English, math, or maybe things they could use to make a living.

I am coming to this place where Mexico isn't always on my mind anymore. There are days when I don't think about it. It scares me because I feel guilty and I feel like I'm going to forget about people who need help, who need Christ's love.

And then there are days when the sights, smells (pleasant and not-so-pleasant), tears, and laughs come flooding back in. I remember the faces of the people we built for and the voices of people who impacted my life. I remember the tears shed when three families' homes burned to the ground and we saw the $14,000 come in so that we could rebuild, and the feeling of I-wanna-rip-my-hair-out when it was week 10 and I was more exhausted than I've ever been. I remember the days teams would ask me questions I didn't have the answers to, but the house got built and Jesus was shared.

I miss the feeling of dirt under my nails, callused hands, of waking up and putting on a dusty, tar-stained old pair of jeans, of searching for bobby pins and only finding roofing nails, of late-night conversations about God and His heart and His dreams for this world, laying on top of the truck looking at the Juarez stars over the desert mountains.

I love that God is moving in my life and keeping his promises no matter where I am. I realize that I may not end up in Mexico, at least not right now. God promises that he has a plan for our lives. I have always put God in a box and tried to plan my own life, as if He isn't big enough to put me where he needs me. How can I expect to give Him my life if I'm constantly planning everything? So this year, I'm going to follow Him and maybe try not to plan so much.

Can I just say that I am pumped for this year?

various rants and thoughts.

Have you ever been reading through something and it just hit you wrong, made your stomach turn a little, made you wonder? Well, the other day I was scrolling through Twitter, reading different people's posts about life and random stuff. And I came across one posted by a certain Christian music artist that said something along the lines of, "Don't know God's will for your life? Find where you're happiest."

And I have to say that I disagree...somewhat. I believe there are people all over the world living in God's will who may or may not be happy with what they've been dealt. Missionaries who are being persecuted daily, people in general being persecuted daily for their faith in Christ. I mean, look at the prophets in the Bible! Jeremiah was called the weeping prophet for a reason. Isaiah probably wasn't too happy that God called him to preach judgment on the "deaf and blind" people of Judah. And I don't think Jesus was too happy sometimes either. I mean, he prayed that God would find another way besides the excruciating death he knew was coming.

Many of my thoughts lately have been focused on God and his will for my life. Mainly wondering lately how my internship and time spent in Mexico fits into the rest of my life. Because honestly part of me feels like if I go another way (staying here), I am guilty of forgetting about the suffering going on in the world. I realize I'm not going to get to heaven someday and have God say, "Well, sorry, your salvation is void because you didn't spend such-and-such amount of time in another country." (We could go into salvation by works or faith, but....not tonight).

I am in awe of how I am changing this summer. I have no doubt been in a spiritual valley. But it weirds me out that I am even thinking about doing anything besides missions. Because missions has been my passion for the past four years.

But you know what the exciting thing is that I am learning?

God has my life in his hands. I have a year before graduation. And I have my whole life ahead of me (God-permitting). I know that our God is a missional God...which means he is constantly moving and constantly molding us and shaping our hearts. So maybe I will impact lives of students in an inner-city school here and then God will move me to another country or another State or another career.

Anyways, that's enough of that rant for tonight. Oh, and I'm not saying that if you're happy, you're not in God's will. Just saying that I don't know if we should base our decisions just on happiness. Happiness is different than finding joy in the difficult parts of your life. (Does that make sense?) Happiness. Joy. Different.

Second thought of the night...while in said spiritual valley, my attitude has sucked this summer about many things. I've snapped at people, slacked off, complained, and wanted to slack off some more. And that's just not me. Last summer I was working 12+ hour days. And I was exhausted and sick (literally sometimes). Now I work 7 hour days, I'm a little hungry and grouchy...yeah. No reason to complain really.

So Tuesday, I decided to shape it up. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men..." I guess I desire that to be my focus from now on. Of course, I get burnt out and cranky and I just don't want to "work heartily." But instead of slacking off, I'd like to go to God and say, "Hey, I'm tired. Make me new."

***Last thought, and most random-est: if you haven't heard of Groove Shark, you should try it out. It's basically like Pandora, except you get to pick the songs you want to listen to.***

I am blessed beyond belief. And it's been an awesome summer so far.

come back down.

Six years ago I sat in the large meeting room of the "big cabin" listening to Jeff talk about how we could ask God to break us. At that time, my sixteen year-old mind had no clue what this meant, but I asked God to do it that morning anyway. I remember when I prayed this I was sitting outside flipping through my new NIV hardcover bible that I had picked up at Wal-Mart the night before camp. I was so interested in how much was packed into that book, and why I'd never bothered to read through it before. I honestly never thought that anything would come of me asking God to break me.

But that night God shattered my heart. And I can't even explain to you how. God has a way of doing that, I guess. Breaking in and revealing himself to you when you absolutely least expect it. I felt that today. I felt pain that I had prayed for for a long time. I have to be honest with you. I have not been okay in my walk with Christ lately. I haven't been an example, I have had no desire to read the Bible, and I have felt like when I pray that God has other things to worry about. I've been hateful and angry. Angry with God because I couldn't go serve this summer. Angry because people I've prayed for haven't changed and Satan tells me every day that they won't and that God has much bigger things to deal with than my worries.

So I began to sink back. Sinking back is a very dangerous thing. Going back to old habits that you broke a long time ago is what marks the beginning of moving away from Christ. I began to doubt God's role in my life. I doubted that he cared about me. I surrounded myself with people who didn't know Christ because I thought I was strong enough to not be affected by it.

And then God hit me square in the face with something tonight. I need him. (Duh, right?) And I need to stop dwelling on the past. I need to cut the crap if I don't want to be fed spiritual milk instead of spiritual food (Hebrews 5:11-13). I'm not producing fruit. And we all know what Jesus said about branches that don't produce fruit (if you don't, read Luke 13:6,7).

Maybe it really has taken me a year to realize this. I am not in Mexico, but yet I dwell there in my mind. God has begun to sever my ties with Mexico in different ways. I haven't been productive here like I said I would. God needs me to have my mind here. I have things to do and accomplish for him here. And I have failed for the last 10 months. I have pushed people away and been judgmental and frankly pissed people off because I just didn't want to be here. And I'm sorry. I really am.

My dream for the last four years has been this: Get a teacher's degree, graduate, move to El Paso, open a school in Juarez for those who can't attend school. And so I had set my mind on that. I lived for the next time I got to be there. I was warned against this by a former intern, and I walked right into it anyway. I focus so much on this that I literally push away anything that might change that plan. And I've hurt a lot of people because of my "plan." It is a good plan, meant for good and meant to be used for God. But what if I'm pushing past things that God wants me to see? What if God has something different planned for me than I have for myself? I am realizing that just because my plan is good and can be used for God, doesn't mean that's what he may want right away. What if because of my focus I am missing something?

Now, I'm not forgetting about the people there. I can't. I'm going in December because people need Christ and they need a warm home. But I can't neglect the people in my life while I'm here. I have been blessed with a good job that I enjoy going to (not many people can say they enjoy going to work), great friends, and an awesome family.

If I desire to serve God with my life, then I have to know him. And he doesn't get "known" by me sliding backwards and never studying the Bible and skipping church services and not finding accountability or a Bible study. This was my life since about January.

Sometimes I think that when Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow, he wasn't just talking about stressing about what's coming tomorrow. How am I going to finish this paper, how am I going to fit this into my schedule, how am I going to pay my bills. But sometimes I think he was saying, "Live now. Live for the people around you. You have today to make a difference, to love people, to show them Me. God will call you to move on when it's time, and it's his job to worry about that, not yours."

The title of this post was the title of the theme song for the week I accepted Christ at Survive. I chose it because I believe I am finally coming back down, if that makes sense. It took me almost a year to get my mind focused on where I need to be.

God took my heart back today and said, "Look, Aubs, you need me whether you admit it or not. I know that you're backsliding, but we'll keep moving from here."

I have never been alone this past year, although I've felt like it and although I was angry and wanted to walk away. I will never be alone, even though there are days I doubt that Jesus is coming back for me and I forget that it's not my doings, but his that save me. And so I move forward. Please pray for me.

"When you come around,
I'll be there for you.
You don't have to be alone
With what you're going through."
- Lifehouse

(***Wow, super random post. I hope it made sense.***)

impatience.

Flashback to last June. (I've added a few things :))

We’ve been told as interns that we will at some point come to a place where we need God so desperately, where we think we won’t be able to go on and finish the summer. I really haven’t hit this place yet because I think I’m still ecstatic that I’m done with my spring semester, but part of me hopes that I reach that place. The place where I realize that I need God more than anything else. The place where I don’t think I’m going to make it to the end of the summer unless God carries me the rest of the way.

This past week was our first build without a staff member, and I really think that it went great. We built a single for a young couple with three kids. What was crazy to me was that in the picture on the application I had for the family, Carlos (the youngest) was wrapped in a blanket and laying in his mother’s arms. He’s now almost 3 years old.

On the first or second day we were building, a neighbor came over and began explaining to me how he had been waiting for his house for two years now and he wanted to know when it was going to come. And in my limited, beginning-of-the-summer-in-Mexico Spanish, I tried to explain why his house hadn't come yet.

My mind flashes to many things when I remember this man and his question about when he was going to get the house he was promised. I think about how we complain about when we’re going to get our food at a restaurant because we’ve been waiting twenty minutes and the table next to us got their food before we did. When maintenance is going to come fix our hot water heater because it’s been out for two days.

Can you imagine going up to someone and saying, “Hey, I put in an order for a house two years ago and was just wondering when it’s going to come because my family is hot and my kids have to sleep on the concrete in the dirt that blows in through the cracks in our walls. And every time it rains our plywood ceiling molds and I hope my family doesn’t get sick from it. And in the winter the cold wind blows through the wooden pallets we put up as walls, and I’m afraid my elderly mother won’t make it. And because we spend so much money fixing our shack and paying for land, there's no money for food, so sometimes we eat the rats that run in the streets.”

I wish we all could have experiences like these. Eye-opening, heart-wrenching experiences. I wish I could learn to control my temper when someone else complains about something lame. I wish I could learn to stop complaining about something lame. (Man, I'm a hypocrite sometimes.) I wish that people didn't have to ask for houses, but that it would be something available to everyone.

But that's not the way it is.

And so God calls.

midnight thoughts.

I haven't been able to sleep the past two nights. It might be the fact that it is 7:30 in Hawaii. It might also very much be the fact that six years ago at Survive Jeff Mangum prayed that when God had something to tell us we wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I don't know why I remember this. But God remembers it.

I don't know what God's trying to tell me, to be honest. But I know that my heart is restless. Lately, with the thought of graduation in the back of my mind, I've been terrified that somehow I will mess up God's plan for my life. For the past four years, I've believed that I belonged in Mexico, teaching or building or just simply loving on people. But for the life of me I can't understand why I think about being there more than anyone else, and yet I'm not there.

Some people may think I have lame excuses for not being there this summer. It's driving me absolutely insane, watching pictures go up every week of families who are receiving homes. And maybe I need to stop and remember that whether I'm there or not, families get new houses and hear about Jesus' love for them...and that's the thing that matters.

So I looked up some verses about God's plans, and the one's I found were these:

"...the LORD searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will cast you off forever." - 1 Chron. 28:9

"...for if this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail..." - Acts 5:38

"May he grant you your heart’s desireand fulfill all your plans!" - Psalm 20:4

"The counsel of the LORD stands forever,the plans of his heart to all generations." - Psalm 33:11

"Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed." - Proverbs 15:22

"The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD." - Proverbs 16:1

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

There's a lot more, but I'm going to stop at this one. Because I think it's here that I find my answer. I can plan and plan and plan. My heart can even be poured into each of those plans. But God is the one who ultimately establishes and finalizes those plans. He's the one who makes it all happen.

I just need to learn to trust that this is true. God is big enough to handle my mistakes and he's big enough to know what to do when I veer off the path. I'm tired of worrying about planning my future. So here's to upcoming senior year (part 2). Sharisse, Liz, and I are going to make it a year to remember.

Sorry if you're tired of reading about Mexico. People tell me they're tired of hearing about it. But when I prayed a while ago that God would align my dreams with his, I believe he answered. I believe that he wants the people of a nearly-forgotten city to know that he loves them. They aren't forgotten by him and they aren't forgotten by us, no matter what the media posts about them. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm just passionate. Maybe the two go hand-in-hand. But when my life is over I want to know that God used my life to make a difference.

“There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those.” - Michael Nolan

prayer requests and stuff about life.

I can't believe it's June. Again. Like I say over and over, God has been working so much in my life just in the past year. To say I've been great lately would probably be a lie. I go through these weird times when I feel like giving up on God and going back to the plans that I had for my life before I decided to follow Christ. And then I remember I am hopeless without Him. I open the Bible to a certain scripture that refreshes my faith and gives me strength.

Last week I went to Hawaii with my family and I had a lot of time to think while I was there. This is a huge prayer request. And I ask that you would please pray seriously with me over this. Last year we went to Juarez in December to build a home for a homeless family with Casas por Cristo. We raised nearly all the funds, took two cars, a small van, and nine 20-somethings to build a home in the bitter cold. Yes, it's cold there in the winter. It snowed on our last day. You can read about that build here.

Well, although it's June, December will be here before we know it, along with the cold and snow that threatens to take the lives of families living in cardboard boxes and houses made of pallets and box springs.

To be brutally honest, I dread the money part of this trip. It stresses me out. I try to give it all to God, but I worry, "What if it all doesn't come in? What if we only reach $3000 and have to find a way to give it all back to the donors?" But I'm not going to let that dread stop a team of willing people from going and being the hands and feet of Christ!

I'm going to set the bar at $6500. We need $4700 for the materials for the house. That leaves us about $1800 for food, gas, truck rental, offerings, and gifts/necessities for the family. (I think last year we spent about $800 in gas...it's EXPENSIVE.) More than $6500 would be amazing, because anything leftover would get put back into Casas or given to a Casas rep.

I'm just laying the cost out there plainly. Please help me pray for the money to come in. If you have fundraising ideas, post them here! And if you want to go, email me, leave me a comment, Facebook me. You don't need to be good at construction or speaking Spanish. Just come! :) The more money we raise and the more people we get to sign up, the less the cost will be per person. I'd really hate for money to be the only thing stopping us from providing a home for a family.

Thank you so much!

observations.

Today I hit the library because I was bored. I love the library. Sharisse's sister and I agree that having a library-scented candle would the totally awesome. I especially like the teen books section. I just can't get into a lot of the grown up stuff yet! I love to spend some time diving into Meg Cabot or Lurlene McDaniel. My roommate Sarah and I have a mutual love for Lurlene. Journey of Hope was my inspiration to go into missions. Not kidding. You should check it out. But you will cry.

As I was scanning the shelves for nothing in particular I noticed a girl sitting in a chair at the end of the bookshelf. She was probably five-ish. And she was flipping through a magazine called M-14 or something like that. I don't even know. But she stopped on a page with a girl wearing almost nothing, skin shiny, long wavy hair and a flawless face. She stared at the picture for a while, and I can't help but wonder what was going through her little mind. That is just the beginning for most little girls. And they don't even realize it. (I realize that it is not proper to start sentences with the word "and," but I like the way it looks. Besides, famous authors do it.)

Anyways, that was my observation for the day. It kinda tore at my heart. Because the woman in the picture is who all girls strive to be but will never achieve. Photoshoppers call it art. I can't say I agree.

Dove puts these videos up and I like some of them. I know there's a whole argument about what Dove stands for because their products are like ruining the world or something (I don't know the story) but I like the videos because they are true. You can watch some of them on YouTube....one of them in particular is really good but has some nudity/plastic surgery/kinda graphic stuff so I didn't want to post it on here.

"By the grace of God, I am what I am." - 1 Corinthians 15:10

what's going on.

I've been wanting to write for a while, but wasn't sure what to post. I decided to put up some of the things God has been teaching me and just random stuff going on in my life.

1) Patience, patience, patience. As I watch some of my friends' lives taking off (I was supposed to graduate this year) I feel a sense of loneliness, although I am surrounded by good friends. God has blessed me with a great roommate, and because we're flying solo now in the apt. we hang out a lot! We are trying to plan an epic camping trip on very little cash. I am watching friends leave for jobs, internships, summer camps, and to serve in other countries. In church today I was thinking about how restless my heart has been, and it's like God was saying, "Aubrie, you need to chill out." I guess I feel like He's telling me that my life will "take off" soon enough. So I will be spending this summer in Bible study, reading, resting, hanging out and impacting the people around me. Compared to last summer, I feel....lazy? But I know that God is using me in ways that I probably don't realize. Things I don't miss about Mexico: getting sick a lot...that's it.

2) I have become addicted to America's Next Top Model. It does not help that every episode since season 1 is on YouTube. Gah. I need to get over it already! I guess I can't bash The Bachelor anymore!

3) I have been researching some different ministries I'd like to work for after I graduate. Many of them need ESL teachers and I've ALWAYS wanted to teach abroad. I'm looking at Makarios International and NICS...but we'll see. Part of me wouldn't mind teaching in the States if that's what God calls me to....but again I've ALWAYS wanted to teach abroad. :) It is so crazy to think that this journey may begin in just a year.

4) In talking about working for a ministry, most ministries require you to raise your own salary. I am terrified about this. It's not that I don't trust God to take care of me, I just don't like asking for money. And I have debt. Not a lot, but some. When I was 8 I struggled asking people to buy Girl Scout cookies...so we'll see how the money thing goes.

5) This summer I'm going to start training for my fourth half-marathon! I just don't know if I'll ever be hardcore enough to do a full. Kansas is so dang hot that I am going to have to get up at like the behind-crack of dawn to run. Because in Manhattan the creepers come out at night and there's no way I'm going out then! This race is in September in Omaha. Gonna be H.O.T. I've never been to Omaha. And I don't like Nebraska that much. But it should be fun!

If you've read to this point, I am sorry that I have nothing deep to tell you. Only that although the rapture has not happened, it will! One thing I want to work on this summer is living prepared.

"But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come. It is like a man going on a journey, when he leaves home and puts his servants in charge, each with his work, and commands the doorkeeper to stay awake. Therefore stay awake—for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or in the morning— lest he come suddenly and find you asleep. And what I say to you I say to all: Stay awake."
- Mark 13:32-36

Of course, God isn't saying, "YOU CAN NEVER GO TO SLEEP." Just be prepared. Today in church Pastor Ryan told us that we need to think about Christ before we go to sleep and when we get up...a good challenge. I hope this post finds you all well! Please let me know how I can be praying for any of you.

And again, I miss Mexico. Please, please, pray for the families this summer who are still waiting on homes. Many people will die in the heat this summer. Blunt and harsh? Yes. True? Definitely. Does it have to be that way? No. Interested in coming to build? Let me know!

Thanks to Google (and the original photographer) for the picture.

the road not taken.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. - Robert Frost

my heart is wandering.

Well, my goal tonight was to finish these portfolios, one for block 1 and one for ESL, but my mind and heart just aren't here.

It's been almost a year since I left for Mexico and God has done some amazing things in my life since then. I've cried, doubted, sought, laughed, remembered, learned, cried some more, crawled, run, faked it on the hard days, and pushed through two semesters of college that I thought I'd never see the end of. The first thing I want to say is this: to everyone at Casas, thank you. To the Roth's for taking us into your home, feeding us, playing games with us, teaching us. To my prayer partners (you know who you are :)) for praying for me and walking with me. To every woman at Casas for helping me see who God really desires me to be and not what the world desires me to be and for showing me what women are capable of. Each of you women has inspired me in a way that you will probably never know. I know that I left and said, "Thank you," but I don't think you realize how much my life has been changed by last summer. I saw things that broke my heart and I had times when I was ready to walk away. I made friends who are now like family to me. I know people from last summer on a deeper level than I know many of my good friends here.

I am realizing lately how blessed I am by the people around me. My Casas family, my family, my friends. My parents are also such an inspiration to me. Again, I remember the morning I was leaving for my internship, and I suddenly didn't want to go. I was all of a sudden terrified. And I came to my mom's bathroom, and I said, "I can't go." My mom hugged me, and we both cried, and she said, "You can do this." I will always remember that moment.

My dad and his hard-working self. My poor mom might have to keep him strapped down this week after his surgery so that he doesn't try to go to work! My sister, who always makes me laugh and encourages me. My fashion advice and my go-to when I need to steal a shirt or shampoo. My sister, from whom I would LOVE to steal shoes but she's the lucky one with the size 8 feet. These 10s ain't gettin' in those shoes. My brother who is the smartest person I know. My computer fixer and the person whom I know will make me laugh with some crazy post on my status on Facebook. My article finder for when it's 1 a.m. and I can't find anything to write my paper over.

In thinking about blessings I remember the things I miss.

I miss the smell of the cabins at SOTO (I can still remember it if I think hard enough) and how we all smelled when we left the river for the day.

I miss being outside those cabins and being able to see every star in existence.

I miss the 105 degree summers in Anthony and the feeling of the hot leather on the back of my legs in my dad's old F-150. I miss him driving me to school and singing Neil Diamond. I miss driving my mom crazy playing my favorite Alabama songs over and over in the van.

I miss having my best friend over for sleepovers, sleeping in the guest room in our old basement, freaking each other out, getting in trouble for being too loud, when we thought staying up past midnight was the cool thing to do.

I miss the butterflies before a big volleyball game. I miss being good at volleyball...apparently getting older doesn't help you get better at sports.

I miss playing the piano.

I miss the long days working at McDonald's with people from all walks of life, most of them more difficult walks than others. I miss running to Smoothie King and then coming back to talk with the girls about all the things high school girls talk about. I guess McDonald's was the cool place to be.

I miss my little red Mustang with the purple steering wheel cover.

I miss camping out at the lake with all the other Girl Scouts and getting in trouble for our tent being a pit. Thirteen years later my room may still look like the inside of that tent.

I miss the feeling of dirt under my nails, sore muscles, and rough hands. I know, you're like, "Um, that's weird." I remember once in youth group Brian told us we'd better get used to being weird if we wanted to follow Christ. I'm okay with that.

I miss holding those beautiful babies in Juarez and praying that God would use their new home to brighten their future and lead them to Him.

I miss Wednesday nights in the Cave and learning more about Christ, being encouraged by my friends, and heading to Freddy's afterward for custard and fries.

I miss when homework was easy and I didn't care if my clothes matched. Okay, the last one hasn't changed.

I miss a lot of things...and I am realizing when I look back on these things how much God has given me. And I'm ready to give back. And now that I have gotten all this off my chest...it's time to finish those portfolios. Because I can't go anywhere until I have this degree. One year and counting.