So, I've been messing with the background of my blog, and if you haven't noticed, I have no clue about anything to do with HTML. I kind of like the map theme, so I guess I'll keep that for now.
Today is Saturday, and on most Saturdays, I like to clean. I enjoy it. Weird, I know. My mom sometimes tells me I might hate it someday when I'm constantly picking up after children. I guess we'll see.
I found a huge pile of mail that's been sitting in our living room for, oh, about two months. I sorted through it, and since I knew that most of it was junk, I tossed it. But at the bottom was a letter addressed to me, in my own hand-writing. I couldn't remember why I'd sent myself anything (but with my crazy mind, who knows?) So I tore it open and when I unfolded the letter I remembered. Five months ago I was at church camp and one night we were told to write a letter to ourselves about what God was doing in our lives that week. I feel like, even though this letter arrived at my apartment two months ago, I opened it at just the right time.
I'd like to share it with you:
"Dear Aubrie,
It is June 25th and you are already halfway through your internship at Casas. You have learned to try to seek inner beauty as God calls us to do in 1 Peter. God has spoken a lot to your heart regarding your future and on being patient; on laying burdens down and looking ahead; on treasuring life because as you saw at the nursing home yesterday, it passes quickly.
You have seen the same thing happening to students this week as happened to you five years ago in the Ozark mountains at Survive. God is doing some amazing things here in Mexico and at the camp, but one thing you've realized...you've been so dry. Seek God. He is our healing water. You'll probably be back at school when you get this. Keep going, even if you hate it. God will use it. Think of Mexico and think of all the orphans and children you can hopefully one day teach.
Don't forget about this camp and these kids. Pray for them. Pray for Mexico. Love yourself as God has made you. Love others. Be patient."
I can remember writing this letter without a ton of thought, because all week at camp I was thinking about how I was there to help those students and I wasn't there to let God change me too.
Well, something else I do on Saturday is tailgating. And watching K-State football. I am so thankful for my wonderful family. My parents still take care of me. I'm not sure when the day will come when I am fully taking care of myself...scary. And then tonight I am in charge of two sixteen year-olds, aka my sister and her best friend. It's gonna be a blast. Probably because I still think I'm sixteen sometimes.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Heaven
I think we all, no matter our beliefs, know that there is more than this world. We know that more exists. We know that deep down, we were meant for more than what we see before us.
September and October were a blur for me. Trying to process this summer and do homework at the same time just made the days blend together. I am coming out stronger. I still have days where my heart feels like it’s about to shatter….and, you know, I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is that makes me so sad. Is it the fact that I know that thousands of people will die today because they have no food or shelter while I sit in class? Is it that I miss the people I became so close with this summer? Is it because I see my friends’ lives beginning to go places and mine just seems to be on hold? Is it because I love my family and want to move home and spend time with them but at the same time I want to be in Juárez loving on those precious children?
I think it all comes down to one thing: we are not meant for this world. I don’t know if you’ve heard it, but I’ve been listening to “Heaven is the Face” by Steven Curtis Chapman over and over again. If you don’t know, his little girl was killed in an accident a couple years ago; this song is written about her and heaven. It’s a tear-jerker, but it’s beautiful.
I read through the comments on the video on YouTube and they are full of pain, yet hope at the same time. People who have lost children, parents, friends, and other family members. People clinging to God and people searching for God. People desperate to just be near Him.
I was talking to Kevin (another intern) the other night and I think that we both agree that this summer was so hard to come away from because we got a small glimpse of heaven in the sense that we had true community. I’ve never been around people who are so quick to call out all the junk in your life, but encourage you to change. I’ve never been around people who are willing to give up everything to chase after God and what He’s doing in this world. Life is so much more than we make it sometimes.
Last night at Challenge (my campus ministry), our speaker talked about how Jesus is the only thing that satisfies. Eternity is a long time…so if you’re reading this and you have no clue who Christ is, He wants to know you. Eternity is a LONG time. It’s forever. It doesn’t change. This world isn’t going to last. We get our short time here and then we leave. I want to see you there in heaven. I want to spend eternity with all of you. Anyone who’s reading this.
Paul said that it was his hearts desire to know Christ and to know his sufferings (Philippians 3) because it was worth it, because he gained eternal life through him. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get there. Seek Christ. Give up the things you put in front of Him, because it’s just not worth it. By giving up, gain everything.
September and October were a blur for me. Trying to process this summer and do homework at the same time just made the days blend together. I am coming out stronger. I still have days where my heart feels like it’s about to shatter….and, you know, I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is that makes me so sad. Is it the fact that I know that thousands of people will die today because they have no food or shelter while I sit in class? Is it that I miss the people I became so close with this summer? Is it because I see my friends’ lives beginning to go places and mine just seems to be on hold? Is it because I love my family and want to move home and spend time with them but at the same time I want to be in Juárez loving on those precious children?
I think it all comes down to one thing: we are not meant for this world. I don’t know if you’ve heard it, but I’ve been listening to “Heaven is the Face” by Steven Curtis Chapman over and over again. If you don’t know, his little girl was killed in an accident a couple years ago; this song is written about her and heaven. It’s a tear-jerker, but it’s beautiful.
I read through the comments on the video on YouTube and they are full of pain, yet hope at the same time. People who have lost children, parents, friends, and other family members. People clinging to God and people searching for God. People desperate to just be near Him.
I was talking to Kevin (another intern) the other night and I think that we both agree that this summer was so hard to come away from because we got a small glimpse of heaven in the sense that we had true community. I’ve never been around people who are so quick to call out all the junk in your life, but encourage you to change. I’ve never been around people who are willing to give up everything to chase after God and what He’s doing in this world. Life is so much more than we make it sometimes.
Last night at Challenge (my campus ministry), our speaker talked about how Jesus is the only thing that satisfies. Eternity is a long time…so if you’re reading this and you have no clue who Christ is, He wants to know you. Eternity is a LONG time. It’s forever. It doesn’t change. This world isn’t going to last. We get our short time here and then we leave. I want to see you there in heaven. I want to spend eternity with all of you. Anyone who’s reading this.
Paul said that it was his hearts desire to know Christ and to know his sufferings (Philippians 3) because it was worth it, because he gained eternal life through him. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get there. Seek Christ. Give up the things you put in front of Him, because it’s just not worth it. By giving up, gain everything.
Monday, October 25, 2010
updates.
Well, I feel like it's been forever since I last posted. Life has been crazy! I was talking to a friend about wanting to get together this week and I realized I don't have a free night until next Sunday!
I have been doing so much better since I got back in August. I went through a stage for about 2 months where I wasn't sure how I was going to make it to December. And now I'm here. It's almost November and I'm feeling more like myself again, just even more dependent on God.
I've still been asking myself why I was sent to Mexico this summer. I might have said this before, but I feel like I was called there even before I went for the first time. I can remember wanting to go on a missions trip with my church to Juarez in 2006, and I didn't get to go. When the team came back and showed the video that Sunday at church, my heart was racing and I felt sick to my stomach. I knew I wanted to be there. So I applied for the next trip in 2007, and had the time of my life that week. I can remember playing with those kids and my heart breaking when we left Mexico at the end of that week. I came back again in June of 2008, again in June 2009, again in March 2010, and then of course did the internship this past summer. I'd say that might be God trying to tell me something. I've been praying about it and so have others, and I feel a great sense of peace in applying for next summer. I need to stop forgetting that God is big enough to close that door if it's not his plan for me!
A friend of mine gave me the advice to just apply and pray that God opens that door, which is what I think I am going to do. The weird thing is, building is not my passion, but Mexico is. And I have the feeling that just being there in the summers is going to open a door to something that includes my passion, which includes teaching and the impoverished.
I don't think that after this summer I can just apply for any job here and be completely happy. We all know that when you go against what God calls you to do, you're unsettled.
I think one of the most amazing things about God is that He gives us passion for something. I am passionate about Mexico and would love to see other Central/South American countries. However, for example, I really have no desire to go to Asia (and I don't mean that offensively at all), but I know so many who are just as passionate about Asia as I am about Central/South America. I have friends who are passionate about the children and people of the United States. I have friends who are so passionate about different things, and it's so amazing!
Whatever your passion is, whether it's traveling, writing, doing hair/makeup, speaking another language, use it to God's glory! He gave you that passion for a reason, so don't go against it. Just make sure it's a godly passion, and that you're not pushing him out of the picture!
So, I've been doing much better in general. No more crying, no more feeling sad every day because I'm not in Mexico. I'm planning a trip back in December and right now we're just working on raising the funds. God is humbling me in that over the past month we have raised $2000 out of the total $5000 that we need. He is so good to us.
Please remember the people of Mexico (and those all around the world) in your prayers as winter sets in. So many people will not make it through today because they have no food or shelter.
There's a world outside
That is burning
While I'm turning blinded eyes
While I stand by
I won't survive
To live this ordinary life
I'm not alive
To live this ordinary life
And I will try
To see this world I live in
With Your eyes
To love this world You've given
With my life
To see this world I live in
With Your eyes
To love this world You've given
With my life
-Starfield "Ordinary Life"
I have been doing so much better since I got back in August. I went through a stage for about 2 months where I wasn't sure how I was going to make it to December. And now I'm here. It's almost November and I'm feeling more like myself again, just even more dependent on God.
I've still been asking myself why I was sent to Mexico this summer. I might have said this before, but I feel like I was called there even before I went for the first time. I can remember wanting to go on a missions trip with my church to Juarez in 2006, and I didn't get to go. When the team came back and showed the video that Sunday at church, my heart was racing and I felt sick to my stomach. I knew I wanted to be there. So I applied for the next trip in 2007, and had the time of my life that week. I can remember playing with those kids and my heart breaking when we left Mexico at the end of that week. I came back again in June of 2008, again in June 2009, again in March 2010, and then of course did the internship this past summer. I'd say that might be God trying to tell me something. I've been praying about it and so have others, and I feel a great sense of peace in applying for next summer. I need to stop forgetting that God is big enough to close that door if it's not his plan for me!
A friend of mine gave me the advice to just apply and pray that God opens that door, which is what I think I am going to do. The weird thing is, building is not my passion, but Mexico is. And I have the feeling that just being there in the summers is going to open a door to something that includes my passion, which includes teaching and the impoverished.
I don't think that after this summer I can just apply for any job here and be completely happy. We all know that when you go against what God calls you to do, you're unsettled.
I think one of the most amazing things about God is that He gives us passion for something. I am passionate about Mexico and would love to see other Central/South American countries. However, for example, I really have no desire to go to Asia (and I don't mean that offensively at all), but I know so many who are just as passionate about Asia as I am about Central/South America. I have friends who are passionate about the children and people of the United States. I have friends who are so passionate about different things, and it's so amazing!
Whatever your passion is, whether it's traveling, writing, doing hair/makeup, speaking another language, use it to God's glory! He gave you that passion for a reason, so don't go against it. Just make sure it's a godly passion, and that you're not pushing him out of the picture!
So, I've been doing much better in general. No more crying, no more feeling sad every day because I'm not in Mexico. I'm planning a trip back in December and right now we're just working on raising the funds. God is humbling me in that over the past month we have raised $2000 out of the total $5000 that we need. He is so good to us.
Please remember the people of Mexico (and those all around the world) in your prayers as winter sets in. So many people will not make it through today because they have no food or shelter.
There's a world outside
That is burning
While I'm turning blinded eyes
While I stand by
I won't survive
To live this ordinary life
I'm not alive
To live this ordinary life
And I will try
To see this world I live in
With Your eyes
To love this world You've given
With my life
To see this world I live in
With Your eyes
To love this world You've given
With my life
-Starfield "Ordinary Life"
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Reflections
So last Saturday I was at a K-State game (I guess I do a lot of thinking there apparently). If you didn't see on the news, there were some pretty crazy clouds going on around us. It got really dark and scary, and the clouds off to my right started to rotate and get closer to the ground, which any Kansan knows means one thing - tornado. My heartbeat picked up as I looked around at the 50,000 people in the stadium around me. What would really happen if an ACTUAL tornado came through that place? I glanced back at the clouds, still eerily rotating near the stadium, and looked at my sister, whose eyes were widening. The marching band started leaving, and that's when I said, "Um, we're getting out of here."
A tornado never touched down that day, but I could see people starting to leave the stadium, some more worried than others. And I thought, "We are so incapable of saving ourselves. Without God, we are hopeless." No matter how much we like to think, we are not in charge of this planet. I thought about how anytime something terrifying or devastating happens, even the people who said they'd never turn to God end up on their knees. We are in need. It is only in times of need (for some reason) that differences are thrown out and everyone begins to bond together.
It is 1 a.m. as I sit here typing this. I was going to go to bed until I decided to go through some old pictures. My mom made me two scrapbooks when I graduated high school of pictures from my birth up until the summer before I left for college. My grandma made me one of the earlier years of my life, and then I have one that I made of my trip to Spain in 2006.
As I have been clinging to God after returning from the best, yet hardest, summer of my life, I am realizing how young I still am and how much I have ahead of me. As I look at the pictures from high school and before, I remember the times that I stressed over different things. I remember the fights I had with friends. I remember the tests I worried about, the things I wanted for myself, the tears I shed over random events. I am slowly realizing that the things that have happened in my life are so small compared to the big picture. I always say that high school was the best time of my life...and it was only four years! Four years at the time seemed like an eternity. Now I am almost done with college, and know that in a year I'm going to be facing the next big step in my life.
I am realizing that there is so much more to life than just living. Life is so much more than we make it out to be. I think about the future a lot, and I wonder when I am 70 if I will wish that I could do anything over. I hope this is not the case. I hope that when I am 70 I can say I lived my life to the fullest. Right now this is hard for me as most of the time it's all I can do to get out of bed and go to class.
But as I feel God draw closer to me, I grow more anxious for the life that awaits me. Like he's always telling me, "Just wait, there's more." No matter how much we don't want it to, time flies. Our lives are so small on this time line we call history. And afterward we have an eternity ahead of us. I want you to know my Jesus, because He's the only one that can carry you there. I want you to know that no matter how badly you've screwed up, He still wants you. And that although our lives are small, God uses them to do big things.
Oh, and I was thinking: Girls, what if we spent more time in the Bible than we did reading magazines? I have loved magazines all my life, and I think I've come to the conclusion that they're half the problem as to most of us struggle with self-esteem. I had a magazine that on one page told me this shirt would hide my stomach flaws, and the next page was about a girl who struggles with anorexia and how I should be happy with the way I am...?
Spend some time reading the words God has written to you, and they might just change how you think about yourself.
A tornado never touched down that day, but I could see people starting to leave the stadium, some more worried than others. And I thought, "We are so incapable of saving ourselves. Without God, we are hopeless." No matter how much we like to think, we are not in charge of this planet. I thought about how anytime something terrifying or devastating happens, even the people who said they'd never turn to God end up on their knees. We are in need. It is only in times of need (for some reason) that differences are thrown out and everyone begins to bond together.
It is 1 a.m. as I sit here typing this. I was going to go to bed until I decided to go through some old pictures. My mom made me two scrapbooks when I graduated high school of pictures from my birth up until the summer before I left for college. My grandma made me one of the earlier years of my life, and then I have one that I made of my trip to Spain in 2006.
As I have been clinging to God after returning from the best, yet hardest, summer of my life, I am realizing how young I still am and how much I have ahead of me. As I look at the pictures from high school and before, I remember the times that I stressed over different things. I remember the fights I had with friends. I remember the tests I worried about, the things I wanted for myself, the tears I shed over random events. I am slowly realizing that the things that have happened in my life are so small compared to the big picture. I always say that high school was the best time of my life...and it was only four years! Four years at the time seemed like an eternity. Now I am almost done with college, and know that in a year I'm going to be facing the next big step in my life.
I am realizing that there is so much more to life than just living. Life is so much more than we make it out to be. I think about the future a lot, and I wonder when I am 70 if I will wish that I could do anything over. I hope this is not the case. I hope that when I am 70 I can say I lived my life to the fullest. Right now this is hard for me as most of the time it's all I can do to get out of bed and go to class.
But as I feel God draw closer to me, I grow more anxious for the life that awaits me. Like he's always telling me, "Just wait, there's more." No matter how much we don't want it to, time flies. Our lives are so small on this time line we call history. And afterward we have an eternity ahead of us. I want you to know my Jesus, because He's the only one that can carry you there. I want you to know that no matter how badly you've screwed up, He still wants you. And that although our lives are small, God uses them to do big things.
Oh, and I was thinking: Girls, what if we spent more time in the Bible than we did reading magazines? I have loved magazines all my life, and I think I've come to the conclusion that they're half the problem as to most of us struggle with self-esteem. I had a magazine that on one page told me this shirt would hide my stomach flaws, and the next page was about a girl who struggles with anorexia and how I should be happy with the way I am...?
Spend some time reading the words God has written to you, and they might just change how you think about yourself.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
What is beauty?
I think most of us can admit that we like people-watching. I always have, but I never really thought about it that much until a couple nights ago. I especially like to watch how other girls interact with each other; how they carry themselves; how they act. It's interesting to me because I often find myself wondering if they know that they are loved by an amazing Father, and that they are beautiful.
Last night I was at the K-State football game, which is a pretty good people-watching opportunity if you ask me. The girl behind me along with the girl in front of me, was yelling all kinds of hateful and demeaning words at the other team and at the refs. I turned to my left and watched a guy pull a beer out of his pocket that he had snuck in, and pour the younger girl behind him a big glass of Bud Light, and then I watched as this guy finished off the beer and then fell off the bench while the girls around him caught him.
I watched as two girls walked past me with their shirts rolled all the way up under their chests, baring their entire stomachs.
I am not writing this judgmentally, but rather with a broken heart, because I'm the same way. Why is it that especially as women we are so uncomfortable with ourselves? Why is it that women usually have no respect for themselves? What possesses us to walk down the street half-naked wearing so much makeup that you can't even see pores?
The other night, I was watching Mean Girls (yes, I like that movie!) and there's a scene where the "Plastics" each look in the mirror and say things they hate about themselves, like "At least you guys can wear halters, I have man shoulders," or "My hairline is so weird" or, "My hips are huge!" It seems ridiculous, but it is so true.
I can stand in the mirror and pick out a lot of things I would change about myself. The mirror is a scary thing for me. Like the fact that I still break out like I'm 14 and my face is scarred despite the hundreds of dollars my parents poured into trying to fix my skin. I cannot tell you how many dermatologists I've seen, how many medications I've taken, how many tears I've cried over this, and how many creams and soaps I've put on my face. But, like most girls, I feel like that flaw is all that people see.
Someone told me this summer (and I hope you are reading this) that my identity is not found in how I look or what I wear. It is in Christ. But for some reason I still cling to these things that I hate about myself. The things that make me say, "How can anyone love you?!" I haven't found the answer to that. Maybe it's because perfection (so-called) has been instilled in us since we were babies. It's in magazines, movies, ads, on billboards, on the internet, and in books.
Or maybe we long for perfection because that's how we were created to be. We weren't created for sickness, for self-hatred, or to be insecure. We were created in the image of God.
"I want to be beautiful,
Make you stand in awe,
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed.
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough.
Just want to be worthy of love,
and beautiful" - bethany dillon
We have let beauty become something that is created by computer programs, when God has told us that as His daughters our beauty should come from within, not from jewelry, not from clothing, and not from "fancy hairstyles" and definitely not from Photoshop.
So, the next time you look in the mirror and start to ridicule yourself, STOP. Open your Bible. Read 1 Peter 3:3-4. This might sound funny, but I believe God made women mysterious for a reason. Stop freely giving that mystery away.
Two things: Respect yourself. You are beautiful.
Last night I was at the K-State football game, which is a pretty good people-watching opportunity if you ask me. The girl behind me along with the girl in front of me, was yelling all kinds of hateful and demeaning words at the other team and at the refs. I turned to my left and watched a guy pull a beer out of his pocket that he had snuck in, and pour the younger girl behind him a big glass of Bud Light, and then I watched as this guy finished off the beer and then fell off the bench while the girls around him caught him.
I watched as two girls walked past me with their shirts rolled all the way up under their chests, baring their entire stomachs.
I am not writing this judgmentally, but rather with a broken heart, because I'm the same way. Why is it that especially as women we are so uncomfortable with ourselves? Why is it that women usually have no respect for themselves? What possesses us to walk down the street half-naked wearing so much makeup that you can't even see pores?
The other night, I was watching Mean Girls (yes, I like that movie!) and there's a scene where the "Plastics" each look in the mirror and say things they hate about themselves, like "At least you guys can wear halters, I have man shoulders," or "My hairline is so weird" or, "My hips are huge!" It seems ridiculous, but it is so true.
I can stand in the mirror and pick out a lot of things I would change about myself. The mirror is a scary thing for me. Like the fact that I still break out like I'm 14 and my face is scarred despite the hundreds of dollars my parents poured into trying to fix my skin. I cannot tell you how many dermatologists I've seen, how many medications I've taken, how many tears I've cried over this, and how many creams and soaps I've put on my face. But, like most girls, I feel like that flaw is all that people see.
Someone told me this summer (and I hope you are reading this) that my identity is not found in how I look or what I wear. It is in Christ. But for some reason I still cling to these things that I hate about myself. The things that make me say, "How can anyone love you?!" I haven't found the answer to that. Maybe it's because perfection (so-called) has been instilled in us since we were babies. It's in magazines, movies, ads, on billboards, on the internet, and in books.
Or maybe we long for perfection because that's how we were created to be. We weren't created for sickness, for self-hatred, or to be insecure. We were created in the image of God.
"I want to be beautiful,
Make you stand in awe,
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed.
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough.
Just want to be worthy of love,
and beautiful" - bethany dillon
We have let beauty become something that is created by computer programs, when God has told us that as His daughters our beauty should come from within, not from jewelry, not from clothing, and not from "fancy hairstyles" and definitely not from Photoshop.
So, the next time you look in the mirror and start to ridicule yourself, STOP. Open your Bible. Read 1 Peter 3:3-4. This might sound funny, but I believe God made women mysterious for a reason. Stop freely giving that mystery away.
Two things: Respect yourself. You are beautiful.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Coming Home
I've been wanting to write a new post for a while now, but wasn't really sure what to write. And I'm not sure this one will have a point or make sense...but here it goes.
I flew back into Wichita on August 14th, and my family was waiting for me there. I started crying before I even got to them. I cried that morning when I left El Paso, too. The first time I had cried all summer. I cried off and on for the next couple days.
Coming home, although I love my family and friends, has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I can remember the morning of May 15th, I knocked on my mom's bathroom door as she was getting ready and said, "I can't do this. I can't go."
When they dropped me off at the airport in May, I was terrified. My pastor hugged me and said, "Trust God" and that rang in my ears all the way to El Paso and throughout this summer.
Now it's September, and I'm really struggling. I don't want to be here, but I know I can't just drop everything and go back to Mexico. I have these moments where I think I am going insane, moments that make me wonder if this summer really happened. I find myself zoned out in class replaying memories in my head. I have no motivation whatsoever to do my homework or study. I found myself sitting at my desk today saying, "I can't do this. I cannot finish school."
And then it hit me. I said that this summer too. I remember climbing into Bo (the truck) and sitting next to Shane at 5:45 in the morning, leaning my head back, and saying, "I'm SO exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can do this." (I have to tell you I have never been that exhausted in my life.)
You probably wonder how I can love doing something that takes every ounce of energy. I have no clue, either. I'll just say it's a God thing.
That was over a month ago. And here I am, almost wishing my life away until the next time I get to be in Mexico.
So this semester I've decided that I want to pour into others just like I was constantly poured into this summer. I joined a new Bible study, which I love so far, and am trying to constantly remind people that I am praying for them, and then ACTUALLY PRAY for them.
Someone told me that this summer was going to have the potential to turn my life upside down...she was right.
Someone before this summer also told me that we choose to be positive about the harder times of our lives or we can be negative and make them stink even more than they do already. I choose to make this part great, despite the fact that my heart is going a little crazy.
Acts 20:24 - "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
I flew back into Wichita on August 14th, and my family was waiting for me there. I started crying before I even got to them. I cried that morning when I left El Paso, too. The first time I had cried all summer. I cried off and on for the next couple days.
Coming home, although I love my family and friends, has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I can remember the morning of May 15th, I knocked on my mom's bathroom door as she was getting ready and said, "I can't do this. I can't go."
When they dropped me off at the airport in May, I was terrified. My pastor hugged me and said, "Trust God" and that rang in my ears all the way to El Paso and throughout this summer.
Now it's September, and I'm really struggling. I don't want to be here, but I know I can't just drop everything and go back to Mexico. I have these moments where I think I am going insane, moments that make me wonder if this summer really happened. I find myself zoned out in class replaying memories in my head. I have no motivation whatsoever to do my homework or study. I found myself sitting at my desk today saying, "I can't do this. I cannot finish school."
And then it hit me. I said that this summer too. I remember climbing into Bo (the truck) and sitting next to Shane at 5:45 in the morning, leaning my head back, and saying, "I'm SO exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can do this." (I have to tell you I have never been that exhausted in my life.)
You probably wonder how I can love doing something that takes every ounce of energy. I have no clue, either. I'll just say it's a God thing.
That was over a month ago. And here I am, almost wishing my life away until the next time I get to be in Mexico.
So this semester I've decided that I want to pour into others just like I was constantly poured into this summer. I joined a new Bible study, which I love so far, and am trying to constantly remind people that I am praying for them, and then ACTUALLY PRAY for them.
Someone told me that this summer was going to have the potential to turn my life upside down...she was right.
Someone before this summer also told me that we choose to be positive about the harder times of our lives or we can be negative and make them stink even more than they do already. I choose to make this part great, despite the fact that my heart is going a little crazy.
Acts 20:24 - "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Heartbreak
I'm really not sure how to feel right now. I know the summer is coming to an end, but it's a crazy feeling. I feel like I've been living someone else's life for the past three months, and I'm going to go back and everything's going to be just the way I left it.
I'm not sure how I'm going to handle going back to my life. For the last three months, I have been uncomfortable over half the time. Everything about this summer goes against what the world teaches us to be as women. I am sweaty, smelly, my nails are dirty, my hands are callused, my skin is always broken out from the heat, I have the worst tan lines known to man, but as I sit here writing this I am almost in tears because I know I am leaving in two weeks.
A few years ago if you'd told me I would be spending three months like this, I would've said, "Uh, no thanks." But this summer has been the best of my life. And the fastest. I know I am going to go back and sit in a classroom and wonder if this summer ever happened.
But I feel like I am going to be back someday. Last night I laid awake for quite a while because my heart is so restless right now and this is what was running through my head:
My heart is restless because I want to do more. This is just the beginning for me.
I know God brought me here at this time in my life for a reason. If I had come after graduation, I wouldn't be going home. But I have to go back, because YOU have to know. Juarez is not the city everyone makes it out to be. Yes, it's dangerous. Yes, there is violence. But I have seen NOTHING this summer and have never been in danger. These people need help. They live in a poverty-stricken country with corrupt people ruling over them. We who have so much have been called to show compassion to those who are struggling just to survive. I am coming back to show you the real Juarez, where two million people live, most of them waiting for someone to save them. I am coming back to give you the opportunity to serve in Mexico alongside me.
I read this quote in a magazine interview with David Crowder: "...there's a difference between compassion and justice. Compassion is when we're all sitting on the side of a river watching people drown and respond by pulling them out. But justice is when somebody pokes their head up and says, 'You know what? I'm going to go upstream and see who keeps throwing everybody into the river.'
Somebody needs go upstream and get to the bottom of the issues that are causing these things. Of course, we also need compassion. That is a necessary response. We can't stand at the side of the river and allow the people to drown, but we have to be involved in changing the system, as well.
And so we always challenge students, kids, parents, whoever is in front of us. Somebody's got to give their lives to these issues and be willing to spend the time and the energy and have the fortitude to not wind up in hopelessness."
What I'm about to say might hurt a little, but it's true and it's something I've learned this summer and over the past couple years. In the United States, most of us live in a fantasy world, with nice houses, our own beds, our own cars, food in our cabinets, tons of clothes, and air-conditioning (I haven't had AC for most of the summer and am definitely thanking God for it right now as I sit in the hotel in Del Rio, Texas).
Most of the world doesn't live like we do in the States. Over 80% of the world lives on less than $10 a day. That's a salary of about $3600 a year. About 50% live on less than $2.50 a day. Why is this? I just don't get it. These are human beings we're talking about. People. Moms, dads, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles. People who love, laugh, have dreams, have needs. Today, over 28,000 children will die because they have nothing to eat. One child every three seconds. I saw on the news last night that they've been saying 12 people a day die in Juarez, but they didn't specify how. I can bet you it's not because the cartels kill them, it's because they live in cardboard shacks in 100 degree weather.
God brought me here for a reason. It's time to stop talking about changing the world and start living it. It's time to figure out why people are drowning in that river and who's throwing them in.
God gives us life for a reason. He wants us to enjoy it and realize our dreams! My dream is that one day every child will get to go to school and that they will get to eat good food and drink clean water, that they will have a house to come home to.
God has allowed me amazing opportunities to try so many new things and just get out of my comfort zone. I've learned to build a house, work with electrical, stucco, lay concrete, work with power tools, I've attempted bouldering, slack-lining, and gotten to go hiking. I've met people who have nothing but their faith, people who live out of minivans and cardboard shacks. I got to attend church camp and lead high schoolers and share my passion for Casas. I've gotten to attend two church services in Mexico and see how they worship and love one another. I have new friends whom I consider family.
I am a different person than most of you knew when I left. I have more confidence in my God and in a sense, myself. I am learning the difference between having a gentle, quiet spirit and letting people walk all over you. I am learning to stand up for myself, but still represent Christ. I have doubted, I have wanted to rip my hair out and scream, I have praised, I have laughed, I have spoken so much Spanish that my brain might explode, I have been humbled. God has changed my heart this summer, and if I come back and seem like I'm not there, it may be because my heart is still in Mexico.
I'm not sure how I'm going to handle going back to my life. For the last three months, I have been uncomfortable over half the time. Everything about this summer goes against what the world teaches us to be as women. I am sweaty, smelly, my nails are dirty, my hands are callused, my skin is always broken out from the heat, I have the worst tan lines known to man, but as I sit here writing this I am almost in tears because I know I am leaving in two weeks.
A few years ago if you'd told me I would be spending three months like this, I would've said, "Uh, no thanks." But this summer has been the best of my life. And the fastest. I know I am going to go back and sit in a classroom and wonder if this summer ever happened.
But I feel like I am going to be back someday. Last night I laid awake for quite a while because my heart is so restless right now and this is what was running through my head:
My heart is restless because I want to do more. This is just the beginning for me.
I know God brought me here at this time in my life for a reason. If I had come after graduation, I wouldn't be going home. But I have to go back, because YOU have to know. Juarez is not the city everyone makes it out to be. Yes, it's dangerous. Yes, there is violence. But I have seen NOTHING this summer and have never been in danger. These people need help. They live in a poverty-stricken country with corrupt people ruling over them. We who have so much have been called to show compassion to those who are struggling just to survive. I am coming back to show you the real Juarez, where two million people live, most of them waiting for someone to save them. I am coming back to give you the opportunity to serve in Mexico alongside me.
I read this quote in a magazine interview with David Crowder: "...there's a difference between compassion and justice. Compassion is when we're all sitting on the side of a river watching people drown and respond by pulling them out. But justice is when somebody pokes their head up and says, 'You know what? I'm going to go upstream and see who keeps throwing everybody into the river.'
Somebody needs go upstream and get to the bottom of the issues that are causing these things. Of course, we also need compassion. That is a necessary response. We can't stand at the side of the river and allow the people to drown, but we have to be involved in changing the system, as well.
And so we always challenge students, kids, parents, whoever is in front of us. Somebody's got to give their lives to these issues and be willing to spend the time and the energy and have the fortitude to not wind up in hopelessness."
What I'm about to say might hurt a little, but it's true and it's something I've learned this summer and over the past couple years. In the United States, most of us live in a fantasy world, with nice houses, our own beds, our own cars, food in our cabinets, tons of clothes, and air-conditioning (I haven't had AC for most of the summer and am definitely thanking God for it right now as I sit in the hotel in Del Rio, Texas).
Most of the world doesn't live like we do in the States. Over 80% of the world lives on less than $10 a day. That's a salary of about $3600 a year. About 50% live on less than $2.50 a day. Why is this? I just don't get it. These are human beings we're talking about. People. Moms, dads, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles. People who love, laugh, have dreams, have needs. Today, over 28,000 children will die because they have nothing to eat. One child every three seconds. I saw on the news last night that they've been saying 12 people a day die in Juarez, but they didn't specify how. I can bet you it's not because the cartels kill them, it's because they live in cardboard shacks in 100 degree weather.
God brought me here for a reason. It's time to stop talking about changing the world and start living it. It's time to figure out why people are drowning in that river and who's throwing them in.
God gives us life for a reason. He wants us to enjoy it and realize our dreams! My dream is that one day every child will get to go to school and that they will get to eat good food and drink clean water, that they will have a house to come home to.
God has allowed me amazing opportunities to try so many new things and just get out of my comfort zone. I've learned to build a house, work with electrical, stucco, lay concrete, work with power tools, I've attempted bouldering, slack-lining, and gotten to go hiking. I've met people who have nothing but their faith, people who live out of minivans and cardboard shacks. I got to attend church camp and lead high schoolers and share my passion for Casas. I've gotten to attend two church services in Mexico and see how they worship and love one another. I have new friends whom I consider family.
I am a different person than most of you knew when I left. I have more confidence in my God and in a sense, myself. I am learning the difference between having a gentle, quiet spirit and letting people walk all over you. I am learning to stand up for myself, but still represent Christ. I have doubted, I have wanted to rip my hair out and scream, I have praised, I have laughed, I have spoken so much Spanish that my brain might explode, I have been humbled. God has changed my heart this summer, and if I come back and seem like I'm not there, it may be because my heart is still in Mexico.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Suffering
I think I am beginning to reach the point in my summer where I’m wearing down. Most of you have probably (or maybe not?) heard of Hurricane Alex hitting Monterrey, Mexico. I don’t know the statistics, but I saw the news and saw the faces of the people who lost their homes and loved ones. I’m not sure, but I think it might be the Hurricane Katrina of Mexico.
Anyways, Casas builds in another city (Acuña, Coahuila) about 7 hours east of Juarez, therefore closer to the ocean and much more humid. The hurricane blew in a ton of rain and so my first week there (last week) it poured most of the time. A couple of the sites were underwater, with materials floating around. The river that runs through the city was overflowing and moving really quickly, like if you fell in you were done for.
So our first build in Acuña went pretty well despite the rain, but this past week was a little crazy. Our team flew into Del Rio (the Texas side of Acuña) around lunch time, and we ate with them and then crossed over the border and took them to the church we would be staying at for the week. They came to our site (Caleb and I built together this week) and helped us with our form. We realized that our site wasn’t going to be big enough to build the standard Casas single, which is about 22 x 11 ft, because there was a high concrete wall and then about 12 feet and a cinderblock bathroom. So we could either a) set the high wall right up against the concrete wall and bolt it in, or b) remove one stud from the house, making it 16 inches shorter. We went with plan b, because although it made the house smaller, we thought the house would last longer. Even with cutting the 16 inches out, we still had only about a foot to work with on either side once we got the walls stood. So that night, Caleb and I re-worked the measurements for the house and prayed that it would turn out right!
After the first group helped us build the form, we had to go back over the border really quick to pick up the other half of the group that flew in later, the people that would be building with us all week. As we were coming back over the border, the international bridge was about 6 inches underwater in the middle, and we were afraid we might be stuck in Mexico. We brought our second group to the church and then realized that all of the bridges in Acuña were closed due to flooding, so we wouldn’t be able to get to the warehouse to pick up our tools. No tools, no building. Caleb and I quickly decided that we needed to try to find a way to get to the warehouse, and luckily we did find a way there. We loaded our tools, and as we were doing so, one of the Casas staff members pulled up with large water barrels in his truck and told us that the entire city was out of water (ironic) and some places were out of power. He needed water to pour his slab, so he had come to the warehouse to gather the rainwater that had collected in the truck-loading areas.
We finished our house Friday morning and then dedicated it, then headed for the border. On our way to the border, we got into a car accident and it took about 3 hours to get everything worked out. We left Del Rio at about 7, got pulled over about 2 hours later because the police wanted to search our truck (I’m sure our giant blue tarp tied down with Romex and our drivers’ licenses from four different states were a little suspicious), and we rolled into El Paso at about 2:30 this morning.
But even though so many things didn’t go right this week, it was still a good week. Long, but good. The people on our team had great attitudes and even made awesome awards for each other and for us every day. I got the Extreme Exterminator Award for killing a cricket with my hammer, and the “Did you open it?” Award for reminding Caleb twice to open the liquid nails before he tried to squeeze it out, along with a couple other ones that the kids came up with.
Over 500 homes were destroyed in Acuña this week, which adds even more to the suffering there. While I was at church camp, one of the other leaders gave me a book by Max Lucado called Outlive Your Life. It’s basically a collection of different stories of different people who have gone above and beyond. In one of the chapters I read recently, he talks about suffering and how we are so afraid to look it in the face. When we see the homeless person with the cardboard sign, we look straight ahead. When we see the person in front of us who can’t afford their groceries, we act like we’re reading through the magazine rack.
Here’s an excerpt from what I read:
“Some years back a reporter covering the conflict in Sarajevo saw a little girl shot by a sniper. The back of her head had been torn away by the bullet. The reporter threw down his pad and pencil and stopped being a reporter for a few minutes. He rushed to the man who was holding the child and helped them both into his car. As the reporter stepped on the accelerator, racing to the hospital, the man holding the bleeding child said, ‘Hurry, my friend. My child is still alive.’ A moment or two later he pleaded, ‘Hurry, my friend. My child is still breathing.’
A moment later, ‘Hurry, my friend. My child is still warm.’ Finally, ‘Hurry. Oh my God, my child is getting cold.’ When they arrived at the hospital, the little girl had died. As the two men were in the lavatory, washing the blood off their hands and their clothes, the man turned to the reporter and said, ‘This is a terrible task for me. I must go tell her father that his child is dead. He will be heartbroken.’
The reporter was amazed. He looked at the grieving man and said, ‘I thought she was your child.’ The man looked back and said, ‘No, but aren’t they all our children?’ Indeed. Those who suffer belong to all of us. And if all of us respond, there is hope.”
In Matthew, Jesus tells us that what we do for the least of these, we do for him. We can’t forget the people who suffer around us. Look around you! I promise you don’t have to go very far to find someone who is suffering. It may be your next door neighbor who is struggling with losing a parent; it may be your college classmate who doesn’t really think they should continue living; it may be your sister who doesn’t think she’s worth it. One thing I’ve learned this summer is this: There is so much more to life than what we make of it. It’s so much more than graduating college and getting a job and retreating into your shell. Go above and beyond, push your limits. Because you only get one life here on earth. Why waste it trying to gain everything you can? Serve. Experience. Laugh. Live. Love.
I’ve never really been sure why God wanted me here in Mexico. I’m not a builder by any means. I had never built anything before this summer (except for when I came with my church, and we all know I usually sat in the dirt and played with the kids, or played the part of “chicken-wire-stretcher”). Wednesday the church that I was building with had a community night where they grilled hot dogs and handed out free clothing to people in the neighborhood. I noticed an elderly lady carrying a trash bag filled with clothes she had picked out, and she was struggling a lot. I ran up to her and offered to walk her back to her house, to which she gladly agreed, saying, “Pesa mucho” (It weighs a lot). I took the bag, which was in fact pretty heavy…I was struggling a little, and we walked the two blocks to her house. She let me come in to her small two room home and she turned the fan on, turning it all towards me saying I needed to cool down. She started talking about her neighbor who had taken her in when her husband abandoned her. “I got these clothes to give to her because she has given me a place to live,” she told me. Then she said she had to go back to the church because she wanted to go to the service, so we left her house and headed back. I started walking pretty quickly, and she told me that I walked really fast. She told me how she had diabetes that makes her legs and feet swell so much that they bleed sometimes and she doesn’t sleep well. I slowed down and she looked down at my feet, saying, “You have good feet for serving God.” That night it really hit me. I am here to serve. I’m not here because I’m excellent at building homes or because I’m the perfect team leader. God has brought me here to serve Him and to serve His people. And it’s been amazing so far. Tough, but amazing.
Anyways, Casas builds in another city (Acuña, Coahuila) about 7 hours east of Juarez, therefore closer to the ocean and much more humid. The hurricane blew in a ton of rain and so my first week there (last week) it poured most of the time. A couple of the sites were underwater, with materials floating around. The river that runs through the city was overflowing and moving really quickly, like if you fell in you were done for.
So our first build in Acuña went pretty well despite the rain, but this past week was a little crazy. Our team flew into Del Rio (the Texas side of Acuña) around lunch time, and we ate with them and then crossed over the border and took them to the church we would be staying at for the week. They came to our site (Caleb and I built together this week) and helped us with our form. We realized that our site wasn’t going to be big enough to build the standard Casas single, which is about 22 x 11 ft, because there was a high concrete wall and then about 12 feet and a cinderblock bathroom. So we could either a) set the high wall right up against the concrete wall and bolt it in, or b) remove one stud from the house, making it 16 inches shorter. We went with plan b, because although it made the house smaller, we thought the house would last longer. Even with cutting the 16 inches out, we still had only about a foot to work with on either side once we got the walls stood. So that night, Caleb and I re-worked the measurements for the house and prayed that it would turn out right!
After the first group helped us build the form, we had to go back over the border really quick to pick up the other half of the group that flew in later, the people that would be building with us all week. As we were coming back over the border, the international bridge was about 6 inches underwater in the middle, and we were afraid we might be stuck in Mexico. We brought our second group to the church and then realized that all of the bridges in Acuña were closed due to flooding, so we wouldn’t be able to get to the warehouse to pick up our tools. No tools, no building. Caleb and I quickly decided that we needed to try to find a way to get to the warehouse, and luckily we did find a way there. We loaded our tools, and as we were doing so, one of the Casas staff members pulled up with large water barrels in his truck and told us that the entire city was out of water (ironic) and some places were out of power. He needed water to pour his slab, so he had come to the warehouse to gather the rainwater that had collected in the truck-loading areas.
We finished our house Friday morning and then dedicated it, then headed for the border. On our way to the border, we got into a car accident and it took about 3 hours to get everything worked out. We left Del Rio at about 7, got pulled over about 2 hours later because the police wanted to search our truck (I’m sure our giant blue tarp tied down with Romex and our drivers’ licenses from four different states were a little suspicious), and we rolled into El Paso at about 2:30 this morning.
But even though so many things didn’t go right this week, it was still a good week. Long, but good. The people on our team had great attitudes and even made awesome awards for each other and for us every day. I got the Extreme Exterminator Award for killing a cricket with my hammer, and the “Did you open it?” Award for reminding Caleb twice to open the liquid nails before he tried to squeeze it out, along with a couple other ones that the kids came up with.
Over 500 homes were destroyed in Acuña this week, which adds even more to the suffering there. While I was at church camp, one of the other leaders gave me a book by Max Lucado called Outlive Your Life. It’s basically a collection of different stories of different people who have gone above and beyond. In one of the chapters I read recently, he talks about suffering and how we are so afraid to look it in the face. When we see the homeless person with the cardboard sign, we look straight ahead. When we see the person in front of us who can’t afford their groceries, we act like we’re reading through the magazine rack.
Here’s an excerpt from what I read:
“Some years back a reporter covering the conflict in Sarajevo saw a little girl shot by a sniper. The back of her head had been torn away by the bullet. The reporter threw down his pad and pencil and stopped being a reporter for a few minutes. He rushed to the man who was holding the child and helped them both into his car. As the reporter stepped on the accelerator, racing to the hospital, the man holding the bleeding child said, ‘Hurry, my friend. My child is still alive.’ A moment or two later he pleaded, ‘Hurry, my friend. My child is still breathing.’
A moment later, ‘Hurry, my friend. My child is still warm.’ Finally, ‘Hurry. Oh my God, my child is getting cold.’ When they arrived at the hospital, the little girl had died. As the two men were in the lavatory, washing the blood off their hands and their clothes, the man turned to the reporter and said, ‘This is a terrible task for me. I must go tell her father that his child is dead. He will be heartbroken.’
The reporter was amazed. He looked at the grieving man and said, ‘I thought she was your child.’ The man looked back and said, ‘No, but aren’t they all our children?’ Indeed. Those who suffer belong to all of us. And if all of us respond, there is hope.”
In Matthew, Jesus tells us that what we do for the least of these, we do for him. We can’t forget the people who suffer around us. Look around you! I promise you don’t have to go very far to find someone who is suffering. It may be your next door neighbor who is struggling with losing a parent; it may be your college classmate who doesn’t really think they should continue living; it may be your sister who doesn’t think she’s worth it. One thing I’ve learned this summer is this: There is so much more to life than what we make of it. It’s so much more than graduating college and getting a job and retreating into your shell. Go above and beyond, push your limits. Because you only get one life here on earth. Why waste it trying to gain everything you can? Serve. Experience. Laugh. Live. Love.
I’ve never really been sure why God wanted me here in Mexico. I’m not a builder by any means. I had never built anything before this summer (except for when I came with my church, and we all know I usually sat in the dirt and played with the kids, or played the part of “chicken-wire-stretcher”). Wednesday the church that I was building with had a community night where they grilled hot dogs and handed out free clothing to people in the neighborhood. I noticed an elderly lady carrying a trash bag filled with clothes she had picked out, and she was struggling a lot. I ran up to her and offered to walk her back to her house, to which she gladly agreed, saying, “Pesa mucho” (It weighs a lot). I took the bag, which was in fact pretty heavy…I was struggling a little, and we walked the two blocks to her house. She let me come in to her small two room home and she turned the fan on, turning it all towards me saying I needed to cool down. She started talking about her neighbor who had taken her in when her husband abandoned her. “I got these clothes to give to her because she has given me a place to live,” she told me. Then she said she had to go back to the church because she wanted to go to the service, so we left her house and headed back. I started walking pretty quickly, and she told me that I walked really fast. She told me how she had diabetes that makes her legs and feet swell so much that they bleed sometimes and she doesn’t sleep well. I slowed down and she looked down at my feet, saying, “You have good feet for serving God.” That night it really hit me. I am here to serve. I’m not here because I’m excellent at building homes or because I’m the perfect team leader. God has brought me here to serve Him and to serve His people. And it’s been amazing so far. Tough, but amazing.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The Last Two Weeks...
I can´t believe it´s already July...so much has happened since I last posted anything.
Last week, one of the other interns (Andy) and I went to a high school church camp in the Guadalupe Mountains of New Mexico. We went with the director of Casas (David) because he used to be a youth minister for one of the church groups that came, so he had asked us to come represent Casas and lead some of the students.
What we didn´t realize, however, was that we would be assigned a D-group to lead. I was pretty nervous at first because although I have led small groups before, it has usually been with younger students. We had seven awesome students, with Davids daughter joining us sometimes. The theme for the week was Story, and we focused on the story of Joseph from Genesis. Each day we walked through a part of Joseph´s story, beginning with him being sold into captivity. The day that we focused on captivity, the students had to go around and pick up rocks and write things on them that represented the things that held them captive. What the students didn´t know was that they would be putting the rocks in a small bag and carrying them on their wrists for 24 hours.
That day we went to Sitting Bull Falls and swam around in some pretty cold water (and the students had to keep their rocks on the whole time). A lot of people hiked down, but I got to ride in the van because I was sick for a few days before that (you know youre a Casas intern when all of you talk about how many times you´ve puked this summer).
This week was a huge reminder to me of when I used to go to Survive with Olivet. It reminded me of being broken and restored. It reminded me of family and how much God´s people care for one another. I saw so many students who got to cut off their bags of rocks and then lay them at the foot of the cross...super awesome.
We got back Saturday and then stayed up late at Alexis´ place watching movies. Then Lisa and I got about 2 hours of sleep before heading out with Shane and Kevin for Acuña, where we built this week. It is about a 7 hour drive from El Paso, and our truck, the Peña, loses AC after a while so we drove with the windows down most of the way. Luckily it wasn´t too hot!
We stopped in Del Rio for lunch at Rudys BBQ and then a few last minute things at Wal-Mart, then headed over the border to David Quiñones´ house. He works for Casas and makes sure things are going okay in Acuña. He and his wife have been so gracious to us. Delia has done our laundry and fed us. Their two sons are also really cool, and today we spent a few hours working on a 500 piece puzzle.
We built this week with a team from Iowa, and they were awesome! I am really surprised they still wanted to work with us after we got them lost three times on Monday morning in the pouring rain. (Acuña is about the exact opposite weather-wise from Juarez...80% humidity on top of the heat). We didn´t have a ton of interaction with the family this week, because they lived on another street, but they did stop by to invite us to lunch, which was tamales...one of my absolute favorites.
The build was pretty quick...we started Monday and dedicated Wednesday afternoon, then headed over the border to eat dinner at Chilis and see our team off.
Now we are back at David´s house for the weekend and we will celebrate the 4th of July in Mexico...I think we are planning on making a "traditional" 4th of July meal for David and his family...maybe some hot dogs, little smokies, and all the finger foods you can think of. We are also going to the river to swim on Saturday which I am very excited about!
That´s kind of what has been going on the past couple weeks! Thank you for your prayers and I miss you all! This summer has been AWESOME but I miss my family and friends. Can´t wait to see you in August and tell you all everything that didn´t make it into the blog.
Last week, one of the other interns (Andy) and I went to a high school church camp in the Guadalupe Mountains of New Mexico. We went with the director of Casas (David) because he used to be a youth minister for one of the church groups that came, so he had asked us to come represent Casas and lead some of the students.
What we didn´t realize, however, was that we would be assigned a D-group to lead. I was pretty nervous at first because although I have led small groups before, it has usually been with younger students. We had seven awesome students, with Davids daughter joining us sometimes. The theme for the week was Story, and we focused on the story of Joseph from Genesis. Each day we walked through a part of Joseph´s story, beginning with him being sold into captivity. The day that we focused on captivity, the students had to go around and pick up rocks and write things on them that represented the things that held them captive. What the students didn´t know was that they would be putting the rocks in a small bag and carrying them on their wrists for 24 hours.
That day we went to Sitting Bull Falls and swam around in some pretty cold water (and the students had to keep their rocks on the whole time). A lot of people hiked down, but I got to ride in the van because I was sick for a few days before that (you know youre a Casas intern when all of you talk about how many times you´ve puked this summer).
This week was a huge reminder to me of when I used to go to Survive with Olivet. It reminded me of being broken and restored. It reminded me of family and how much God´s people care for one another. I saw so many students who got to cut off their bags of rocks and then lay them at the foot of the cross...super awesome.
We got back Saturday and then stayed up late at Alexis´ place watching movies. Then Lisa and I got about 2 hours of sleep before heading out with Shane and Kevin for Acuña, where we built this week. It is about a 7 hour drive from El Paso, and our truck, the Peña, loses AC after a while so we drove with the windows down most of the way. Luckily it wasn´t too hot!
We stopped in Del Rio for lunch at Rudys BBQ and then a few last minute things at Wal-Mart, then headed over the border to David Quiñones´ house. He works for Casas and makes sure things are going okay in Acuña. He and his wife have been so gracious to us. Delia has done our laundry and fed us. Their two sons are also really cool, and today we spent a few hours working on a 500 piece puzzle.
We built this week with a team from Iowa, and they were awesome! I am really surprised they still wanted to work with us after we got them lost three times on Monday morning in the pouring rain. (Acuña is about the exact opposite weather-wise from Juarez...80% humidity on top of the heat). We didn´t have a ton of interaction with the family this week, because they lived on another street, but they did stop by to invite us to lunch, which was tamales...one of my absolute favorites.
The build was pretty quick...we started Monday and dedicated Wednesday afternoon, then headed over the border to eat dinner at Chilis and see our team off.
Now we are back at David´s house for the weekend and we will celebrate the 4th of July in Mexico...I think we are planning on making a "traditional" 4th of July meal for David and his family...maybe some hot dogs, little smokies, and all the finger foods you can think of. We are also going to the river to swim on Saturday which I am very excited about!
That´s kind of what has been going on the past couple weeks! Thank you for your prayers and I miss you all! This summer has been AWESOME but I miss my family and friends. Can´t wait to see you in August and tell you all everything that didn´t make it into the blog.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Depending on God
I'm really terrible at this whole blogging thing...so part of this is from the week of June 7...I actually wrote it last week but the boys accidentally tore our wireless out while working on one of their projects outside. :( So here it is:
Stress. I think this is a word that we all deal with on an almost-daily basis. This past semester was probably one of the most stressful times in my life. My advice to you would be not to take 17 hours, teach 2 hours a week, and work all at the same time. I remember that I was in tears just about every week and was just so ready to be done.
We’ve been told as interns that we will at some point come to a place where we need God so desperately, where we think we won’t be able to go on and finish the summer. I really haven’t hit this place yet because I think I’m still ecstatic that I’m done with my spring semester, but part of me hopes that I reach that place. The place where I realize that I need God more than anything else. The place where I don’t think I’m going to make it to the end of the summer unless God carries me the rest of the way.
This past week was our first build without a staff member, and I really think that it went great. We built a single for a young couple with three kids. What was crazy to me was that in the picture I had of the family, Carlos (the youngest) was wrapped in a blanket and laying in his mother’s arms. He’s now almost 3 years old.
On the first or second day we were building, a neighbor came over and began explaining to me how he had been waiting for his house for two years now and he wanted to know when it was going to come.
My mind flashes to many things when I remember this man and his question about when he was going to get the house he was promised. I think about how we complain about when we’re going to get our food at a restaurant because we’ve been waiting twenty minutes and the table next to us got their food before we did. When maintenance is going to come fix our hot water heater because it’s been out for two days.
Can you imagine going up to someone and saying, “Hey, I put in an order for a house two years ago and was just wondering when it’s going to come because my family is hot and my kids have to sleep on the concrete in the dirt that blows in through the cracks in our walls. And everytime it rains our plywood ceiling molds and I hope my family doesn’t get sick from it. And in the winter the cold wind blows through the wooden pallets we put up as walls, and I’m afraid my elderly mother won’t make it.”
Today we went to Starbucks and the guy in the window questioned the Casas logo on the side of Alexis’ truck. He asked if we really went into Juarez to build houses. When Alexis said yes, he responded with, “Are you serious?!”
To those of you reading this, I can tell you that yes, dangerous things happen in Juarez, but it’s not quite what the media makes it out to be. I just wish that teams who are canceling knew this. I think if you came here, you’d be surprised because the most “action” you will probably see is the military stopping cars and searching them or some police driving around town. The scary guys with the guns that they show on the news…those are the good guys.
The places that Casas builds in have been pretty quiet, and I pray that it stays that way. Although Casas has gone from around 400 builds a year to around 150, I still praise God for those families who WILL receive homes this year. God is still glorifying His name even though there aren’t as many houses going up. Maybe it’s even more glorifying because the people of Juarez see Americans coming down to help them even when the news is telling people to stay away from Mexico.
Stress. I think this is a word that we all deal with on an almost-daily basis. This past semester was probably one of the most stressful times in my life. My advice to you would be not to take 17 hours, teach 2 hours a week, and work all at the same time. I remember that I was in tears just about every week and was just so ready to be done.
We’ve been told as interns that we will at some point come to a place where we need God so desperately, where we think we won’t be able to go on and finish the summer. I really haven’t hit this place yet because I think I’m still ecstatic that I’m done with my spring semester, but part of me hopes that I reach that place. The place where I realize that I need God more than anything else. The place where I don’t think I’m going to make it to the end of the summer unless God carries me the rest of the way.
This past week was our first build without a staff member, and I really think that it went great. We built a single for a young couple with three kids. What was crazy to me was that in the picture I had of the family, Carlos (the youngest) was wrapped in a blanket and laying in his mother’s arms. He’s now almost 3 years old.
On the first or second day we were building, a neighbor came over and began explaining to me how he had been waiting for his house for two years now and he wanted to know when it was going to come.
My mind flashes to many things when I remember this man and his question about when he was going to get the house he was promised. I think about how we complain about when we’re going to get our food at a restaurant because we’ve been waiting twenty minutes and the table next to us got their food before we did. When maintenance is going to come fix our hot water heater because it’s been out for two days.
Can you imagine going up to someone and saying, “Hey, I put in an order for a house two years ago and was just wondering when it’s going to come because my family is hot and my kids have to sleep on the concrete in the dirt that blows in through the cracks in our walls. And everytime it rains our plywood ceiling molds and I hope my family doesn’t get sick from it. And in the winter the cold wind blows through the wooden pallets we put up as walls, and I’m afraid my elderly mother won’t make it.”
Today we went to Starbucks and the guy in the window questioned the Casas logo on the side of Alexis’ truck. He asked if we really went into Juarez to build houses. When Alexis said yes, he responded with, “Are you serious?!”
To those of you reading this, I can tell you that yes, dangerous things happen in Juarez, but it’s not quite what the media makes it out to be. I just wish that teams who are canceling knew this. I think if you came here, you’d be surprised because the most “action” you will probably see is the military stopping cars and searching them or some police driving around town. The scary guys with the guns that they show on the news…those are the good guys.
The places that Casas builds in have been pretty quiet, and I pray that it stays that way. Although Casas has gone from around 400 builds a year to around 150, I still praise God for those families who WILL receive homes this year. God is still glorifying His name even though there aren’t as many houses going up. Maybe it’s even more glorifying because the people of Juarez see Americans coming down to help them even when the news is telling people to stay away from Mexico.
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