my favorite moment from last week's build.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
the best spring break.
Just the update I promised about our build last week!
It was a really great week. We built for the Cabello-Flores family on the south side of Acuña...a single mom, four children, one uncle. This was our church's first time to build a double, which is about 30x14, compared to the 22x11 single that we've built for families in the past. I have to say, I think the house went up REALLY quickly and really well. We had 14 people, five high school students and the rest adults, and everything just went really smoothly. For those of you who've built with Casas before, you know that something usually goes wrong during a build (whether it's a power-outage, a flood, or a broken generator) and you just go with the flow!
It took us about 12 hours to get from Wichita to Del Rio, and we stopped for the night in San Angelo, Texas to stay at a church. We found a closet of rollerskates and basketballs, so we put on some skates and skated around the gym for a while, which I have to say I've never done before a Casas trip. The next day, it only took us a few hours to get to Del Rio and we hit Wal-Mart. Our church family had donated a lot of money for us to spend on the family, so we were able to get them a couple fans, carpets, a table, pots and pans, a bike for transportation, blankets, clothes, and lots of food and decorations for the big party we threw at the dedication.
The first day we poured the slab, and it was our church's first time to have a concrete truck. These things are amazing and I will vouch for a concrete truck any day. Hand-pouring is good, because it's hard work. Like, HARD work. Especially pouring a double by hand. I think I poured one double by hand last summer and it took close to five hours. It was also great to have some nail guns handy, and we put the walls together pretty quickly.
The next day while we were standing walls and putting on blackboard and chicken wire, we realized the family was cooking for us again. (They had made lunch the day before). This is crazy because the family we built for made $45 a week. And to cook for about 15 people twice in a row is a LOT of money. There isn't much price difference at all between the US and Mexico. It was delicious food...she made tacos, gorditas, and posole.
This year we had an all women roofing team (until Brandon got up there to help after a while). Even Mariela, the nineteen year old girl from the family, was on the roof helping. The girls ran out of 8-penny nails and had to use 16s...which are a lot bigger so they had some trouble but still rocked it out! One of our high school girls, Allie, asked Mariela what she enjoys doing. Mariela said she liked music and that she wanted to learn to play the guitar, but that she'd never be able to afford one. With the money the church sent with us, the girls were able to buy her a new guitar.
On the last day, Tim (our pastor) shared Jesus with the family and the many people that showed up for the dedication and the party. The awesome thing is that the Mexican pastor had already shared Jesus with the family even before we got there, and they all had already decided to follow Christ. SUPER cool!
Anyways, that was pretty much the trip. We built right next to another team so I got to see a couple Casas friends, which was good. It was good for me to let others do jobs they had never done and then I'd just work on little things along the way.
Thank you to all who prayed and supported us financially. It was an awesome trip.
It was a really great week. We built for the Cabello-Flores family on the south side of Acuña...a single mom, four children, one uncle. This was our church's first time to build a double, which is about 30x14, compared to the 22x11 single that we've built for families in the past. I have to say, I think the house went up REALLY quickly and really well. We had 14 people, five high school students and the rest adults, and everything just went really smoothly. For those of you who've built with Casas before, you know that something usually goes wrong during a build (whether it's a power-outage, a flood, or a broken generator) and you just go with the flow!
It took us about 12 hours to get from Wichita to Del Rio, and we stopped for the night in San Angelo, Texas to stay at a church. We found a closet of rollerskates and basketballs, so we put on some skates and skated around the gym for a while, which I have to say I've never done before a Casas trip. The next day, it only took us a few hours to get to Del Rio and we hit Wal-Mart. Our church family had donated a lot of money for us to spend on the family, so we were able to get them a couple fans, carpets, a table, pots and pans, a bike for transportation, blankets, clothes, and lots of food and decorations for the big party we threw at the dedication.
The first day we poured the slab, and it was our church's first time to have a concrete truck. These things are amazing and I will vouch for a concrete truck any day. Hand-pouring is good, because it's hard work. Like, HARD work. Especially pouring a double by hand. I think I poured one double by hand last summer and it took close to five hours. It was also great to have some nail guns handy, and we put the walls together pretty quickly.
The next day while we were standing walls and putting on blackboard and chicken wire, we realized the family was cooking for us again. (They had made lunch the day before). This is crazy because the family we built for made $45 a week. And to cook for about 15 people twice in a row is a LOT of money. There isn't much price difference at all between the US and Mexico. It was delicious food...she made tacos, gorditas, and posole.
This year we had an all women roofing team (until Brandon got up there to help after a while). Even Mariela, the nineteen year old girl from the family, was on the roof helping. The girls ran out of 8-penny nails and had to use 16s...which are a lot bigger so they had some trouble but still rocked it out! One of our high school girls, Allie, asked Mariela what she enjoys doing. Mariela said she liked music and that she wanted to learn to play the guitar, but that she'd never be able to afford one. With the money the church sent with us, the girls were able to buy her a new guitar.
On the last day, Tim (our pastor) shared Jesus with the family and the many people that showed up for the dedication and the party. The awesome thing is that the Mexican pastor had already shared Jesus with the family even before we got there, and they all had already decided to follow Christ. SUPER cool!
Anyways, that was pretty much the trip. We built right next to another team so I got to see a couple Casas friends, which was good. It was good for me to let others do jobs they had never done and then I'd just work on little things along the way.
Thank you to all who prayed and supported us financially. It was an awesome trip.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
bound for the promised land.
This is quite possibly one of my favorite hymns ever written. I'm not one for posting many songs on my blog, but this one is definitely blog-worthy. I am sad though because I can't find a video of it sung by Jars of Clay :( which is my fave version. But here it is:
On Jordan's stormy banks I stand
And cast a wishful eye
To Canaan's fair and happy land
Where my possessions lie
All o'er those wide extended plains
Shines one eternal day
There God, the Son forever reigns
And scatters night away.
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
No chilling wind nor poisonous breath
Can reach that healthful shore
Where sickness, sorrow, pain and death
Are felt and feared no more
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
When shall I see that happy place
And be forever blessed
When shall I see my Father's face
And in His bosom rest
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
HEY! I found it. Jars of Clay version. El mejor. The best. I don't know the family in the video...but hey the music's good!
On Jordan's stormy banks I stand
And cast a wishful eye
To Canaan's fair and happy land
Where my possessions lie
All o'er those wide extended plains
Shines one eternal day
There God, the Son forever reigns
And scatters night away.
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
No chilling wind nor poisonous breath
Can reach that healthful shore
Where sickness, sorrow, pain and death
Are felt and feared no more
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
When shall I see that happy place
And be forever blessed
When shall I see my Father's face
And in His bosom rest
I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land
HEY! I found it. Jars of Clay version. El mejor. The best. I don't know the family in the video...but hey the music's good!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
prayer for mexico!
We leave for Mexico in one week! I just wanted to post some things that anyone/everyone could pray about for the trip!!
Daily Prayer:
- Cabello-Flores family. This is the family we are building for. They have four children and make $45 a week.
- Crossing the border each day. Please pray it will be a smooth crossing.
- The scripture we are studying for the week, which is Colossians 4:2-6
Saturday March 19th:
- Travel, Spiritual prep for the week
Sunday
- Morning worship, travel, evening devotions
Monday
- Site prep, beginning construction, evening devotions
Tuesday
- Working on site, devotions
Wednesday
- Working on site, devotions, planning our dedication party and neighborhood outreach, devotions
Thursday
- Finish the house, HOME DEDICATION PARTY AND OUTREACH! I am so pumped for this. Usually a TON of people show up for the dedication, we grill hot dogs, hand out things for the kids, clothes, share the Gospel.
- Evening debriefing/sharing about the trip
- I will be doing a devo on Thursday but still am not sure what God wants me to share about!
Friday
- Travel
This is going to be such a great trip! Please pray for our team of 14 and our leader Tim as we build a warm home for this beautiful family.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
to be your hands and feet.
The story I am about to tell you was actually written about in one of my earlier posts last summer, but it is one of my favorites and God has been using it lately to remind me of my purpose and that I am worth something.
Last summer, I was building in Acuña with a team from Indiana. It had been a rough week, not at all because of the team (they were great) but because of the weather. Hurricane Alex had hit the coast of Mexico and blew tons of rain into Acuña...so much that some teams were gathering rain water to pour their slabs because concrete trucks couldn't make it to the sites and there was no running water in the city. It was a hard build and I was exhausted. About halfway through the week the team decided to have a community night. They had brought boxes and boxes of clothes and shoes, so we set those out in the church courtyard and grilled hot dogs while people from all over the neighborhood came to pick out free clothes and have a hot meal.
As I was sitting in the corner talking with some other Casas leaders, I noticed an elderly woman lugging a black trash bag full of clothing in one hand while carrying two plates of hot dogs and chips in another. She started down the street and I got up to go ask if she needed help. She gladly accepted and I took the bag, which was in fact pretty heavy. We talked a little bit as we walked slowly towards her house.
When we got there she had me hold the hot dogs as she unlocked the pad lock on the piece of wood that served as a front door. We went inside and she told me to sit down and cool off, turning the small fan on and pointing it towards me, even though she herself probably could have used it more. She opened the trash bag and dumped all of the clothes into a box. As she arranged them how she wanted I looked around. She lived in a house like many families in that area, two rooms with a dirt floor, one small bed and one small chair, and a few old kitchen appliances.
She talked to me for just a little while, and at this point in the summer my brain was on Spanish overload, so I honestly only picked up a few things. I understood that her husband was abusive and she left but had nowhere to go. The house she was living in had been given to her by a friend and so she told me she got the hot dogs and clothes to give to her friend as a thank you.
She also told me she had diabetes and her feet hurt really bad all the time and sometimes they would bleed or wake her up in the middle of the night because of the pain.
After talking for a few minutes, she told me she had to get back to the church because she wanted to go to the service. She didn't have a fridge, so she put some foil over the hot dogs to keep the flies off and we headed out again.
Without anything to carry, I started off walking my normal pace, which is faster than most people. My best friend always gets peeved because I walk too fast. I didn't realize that my new friend was struggling to keep up until she said, "You walk really fast!" I apologized and slowed way down. She said, "With my diabetes I walk really slow." Then she paused for a second, looked down, and quietly said, "You have good feet for serving God."
I almost stopped dead in my tracks. Because that week I was feeling pretty worthless. I wasn't a builder. I was a shy, insecure girl from Kansas who at the beginning of that summer was terrified and had almost no confidence in myself, and sometimes even less in God. And this woman probably has no idea that I will remember that sentence for the rest of my life. Because through it God reminded me that he has a plan to use my life in some way.
Most of you from Kansas have heard of the Burnhams...Gracia and Martin. They are from a small town just outside Wichita, and they were missionaries to the Philippines. Several years ago they were celebrating their anniversary on one of the islands there when they were abducted by the Abu Sayyaf. They starved and struggled to survive in the jungle as prisoners for a year before Martin was killed in a gun battle, and Gracia was rescued shortly after. And I will always remember watching an interview with Gracia in which she said that she didn't understand why Martin died and she lived, because he was the strong one. And then she said through tears, "I am reminded that God uses the weak things." It is a heart-wrenching interview, which you can watch here.
God can use anyone to do his work. Whether you're young or old, weak or strong. And that is what I believe is amazing about our God.
Last summer, I was building in Acuña with a team from Indiana. It had been a rough week, not at all because of the team (they were great) but because of the weather. Hurricane Alex had hit the coast of Mexico and blew tons of rain into Acuña...so much that some teams were gathering rain water to pour their slabs because concrete trucks couldn't make it to the sites and there was no running water in the city. It was a hard build and I was exhausted. About halfway through the week the team decided to have a community night. They had brought boxes and boxes of clothes and shoes, so we set those out in the church courtyard and grilled hot dogs while people from all over the neighborhood came to pick out free clothes and have a hot meal.
As I was sitting in the corner talking with some other Casas leaders, I noticed an elderly woman lugging a black trash bag full of clothing in one hand while carrying two plates of hot dogs and chips in another. She started down the street and I got up to go ask if she needed help. She gladly accepted and I took the bag, which was in fact pretty heavy. We talked a little bit as we walked slowly towards her house.
When we got there she had me hold the hot dogs as she unlocked the pad lock on the piece of wood that served as a front door. We went inside and she told me to sit down and cool off, turning the small fan on and pointing it towards me, even though she herself probably could have used it more. She opened the trash bag and dumped all of the clothes into a box. As she arranged them how she wanted I looked around. She lived in a house like many families in that area, two rooms with a dirt floor, one small bed and one small chair, and a few old kitchen appliances.
She talked to me for just a little while, and at this point in the summer my brain was on Spanish overload, so I honestly only picked up a few things. I understood that her husband was abusive and she left but had nowhere to go. The house she was living in had been given to her by a friend and so she told me she got the hot dogs and clothes to give to her friend as a thank you.
She also told me she had diabetes and her feet hurt really bad all the time and sometimes they would bleed or wake her up in the middle of the night because of the pain.
After talking for a few minutes, she told me she had to get back to the church because she wanted to go to the service. She didn't have a fridge, so she put some foil over the hot dogs to keep the flies off and we headed out again.
Without anything to carry, I started off walking my normal pace, which is faster than most people. My best friend always gets peeved because I walk too fast. I didn't realize that my new friend was struggling to keep up until she said, "You walk really fast!" I apologized and slowed way down. She said, "With my diabetes I walk really slow." Then she paused for a second, looked down, and quietly said, "You have good feet for serving God."
I almost stopped dead in my tracks. Because that week I was feeling pretty worthless. I wasn't a builder. I was a shy, insecure girl from Kansas who at the beginning of that summer was terrified and had almost no confidence in myself, and sometimes even less in God. And this woman probably has no idea that I will remember that sentence for the rest of my life. Because through it God reminded me that he has a plan to use my life in some way.
Most of you from Kansas have heard of the Burnhams...Gracia and Martin. They are from a small town just outside Wichita, and they were missionaries to the Philippines. Several years ago they were celebrating their anniversary on one of the islands there when they were abducted by the Abu Sayyaf. They starved and struggled to survive in the jungle as prisoners for a year before Martin was killed in a gun battle, and Gracia was rescued shortly after. And I will always remember watching an interview with Gracia in which she said that she didn't understand why Martin died and she lived, because he was the strong one. And then she said through tears, "I am reminded that God uses the weak things." It is a heart-wrenching interview, which you can watch here.
God can use anyone to do his work. Whether you're young or old, weak or strong. And that is what I believe is amazing about our God.
Friday, March 4, 2011
waiting.
I found out tonight that Casas por Cristo is for sure expanding to San Raimundo, Guatemala, and can I just say that I am PUMPED! Even though I know I'm most likely not going there anytime soon, I am so excited for what God is doing in the ministry.
So I was reading through the country profile that Casas put up on their site (www.casasporcristo.org) and I see this:
"The Guatemalan school year runs from January through October. Students get a break during the harvest season, which is May through December. Most children grow up to work in the service industry in some capacity. Children are expected to attend school for six years, but nation-wide attendance is only 41%, and 70% of the population is illiterate. Rut, the first Guatemalan woman to apply for one of our homes could not even sign her name on the application. We had to take her fingerprint instead."
When I read something like this it's like I get this feeling in my chest. An ache. A longing.
Sometimes I try to convince myself that I could just do a job outside of teaching, which I definitely could...but I don't really know if my heart would be in it. I want to teach. (I say this and part of my mind flashes back to kindergarten agony that I endured last spring. Yeah....)
I want children to feel like they have hope and a future. And here I am again with God saying, "Wait. Just wait. Be patient."
And I get this image in my head of myself yelling, "I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!" and crossing my arms and pouting. I am so mature.
And this is probably because I feel like I'm ready, but God knows I'm not. I have been inspired by so many people who follow God and he takes them to big places and big things. People who get to see the world and spread Christ's love to all different people of all different cultures and beliefs and backgrounds.
One passage comes to my mind as I write this:
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him, and he will act...Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." - Psalm 37:4-7
And so I will wait and try to learn to seriously trust him with everything that I have.
I think my heart's top three desires are these:
1) Serve God with my life
2) Go into missions and/or teach children of poverty (whether that's here in the US or abroad)
3) Get married and have a family. Part of me wants a big family...you know the kind where the front door is usually open and there are people coming and going.
I think #3 is kind of difficult for me though because the whole relationship thing is pretty terrifying to me...Maybe I'll work through that one someday. I better or my sister will keep trying to randomly get guys' numbers for me. I also, for those of you who know me, am pretty stubborn and I like to be the leader of things. I'm not sure how well that works out in the married world.
Random thought of the night: One of these days I am going to wake up and realize that I'm not 18 anymore...that I'm going to be 23 this year. All you older people can laugh, but 23 seems very weird to me. It is INSANE to me that like 50% of my friends are married now and graduated and on to their lives and jobs. That is crazy!
So my point is: I'm ready to grow up, but I'm not. It is a big world out there.
And that is how my crazy mind thinks right now.
So I was reading through the country profile that Casas put up on their site (www.casasporcristo.org) and I see this:
"The Guatemalan school year runs from January through October. Students get a break during the harvest season, which is May through December. Most children grow up to work in the service industry in some capacity. Children are expected to attend school for six years, but nation-wide attendance is only 41%, and 70% of the population is illiterate. Rut, the first Guatemalan woman to apply for one of our homes could not even sign her name on the application. We had to take her fingerprint instead."
When I read something like this it's like I get this feeling in my chest. An ache. A longing.
Sometimes I try to convince myself that I could just do a job outside of teaching, which I definitely could...but I don't really know if my heart would be in it. I want to teach. (I say this and part of my mind flashes back to kindergarten agony that I endured last spring. Yeah....)
I want children to feel like they have hope and a future. And here I am again with God saying, "Wait. Just wait. Be patient."
And I get this image in my head of myself yelling, "I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!" and crossing my arms and pouting. I am so mature.
And this is probably because I feel like I'm ready, but God knows I'm not. I have been inspired by so many people who follow God and he takes them to big places and big things. People who get to see the world and spread Christ's love to all different people of all different cultures and beliefs and backgrounds.
One passage comes to my mind as I write this:
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him, and he will act...Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." - Psalm 37:4-7
And so I will wait and try to learn to seriously trust him with everything that I have.
I think my heart's top three desires are these:
1) Serve God with my life
2) Go into missions and/or teach children of poverty (whether that's here in the US or abroad)
3) Get married and have a family. Part of me wants a big family...you know the kind where the front door is usually open and there are people coming and going.
I think #3 is kind of difficult for me though because the whole relationship thing is pretty terrifying to me...Maybe I'll work through that one someday. I better or my sister will keep trying to randomly get guys' numbers for me. I also, for those of you who know me, am pretty stubborn and I like to be the leader of things. I'm not sure how well that works out in the married world.
Random thought of the night: One of these days I am going to wake up and realize that I'm not 18 anymore...that I'm going to be 23 this year. All you older people can laugh, but 23 seems very weird to me. It is INSANE to me that like 50% of my friends are married now and graduated and on to their lives and jobs. That is crazy!
So my point is: I'm ready to grow up, but I'm not. It is a big world out there.
And that is how my crazy mind thinks right now.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
words to build a life on.
This is a worship song by Mike Crawford that we used to sing at The Well here in Manhattan...thought of it tonight. It's long, but sooo good.
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine
Blessed are the poor
Blessed are the weak
Blessed are the ones
Who can barely speak
Blessed in your hurt
Blessed in your pain
Blessed when your teardrops
Are falling down like rain
Blessed when you’re broken
Blessed when you’re blind
Blessed when you’re fragile
When you have lost your mind
Blessed when you’re desperate
Blessed when you’re scared
Blessed when you’re lonely
Blessed when you’ve failed
Blessed when you’re beat up
Blessed when you’re bruised
Blessed when you’re tore down
Blessed when you’re used
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine
Blessed when you’re heartbroke
Blessed when you’re fired
Blessed when you’re choked up
Blessed when you’re tired
Blessed when the plans
That you so carefully laid
End up in the junkyard
With all the trash you made
Blessed when you feel like
Giving up the ghost
Blessed when your loved ones
Are the ones who hurt you most
Blessed when you lose your
Own identity
Then blessed when you find it
And it has been redeemed
Blessed when you see what
Your friends can never be
Blessed with your eyes closed
Then blessed you see Me
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine
Blessed when you’re hungry
Blessed when you thirst
Cause that’s when you will eat of
The bread that matters most
Blessed when you’re put down
Because of me you’re dissed
Because of me you’re kicked out
They take you off their list
You know you’re on the mark
You know you’ve got it right
You are to be my salt
You are to be my light
So bring out all the flavor
In the feast of this My world
And light up all the colors
Let the banner be unfurled
Shout it from the rooftops
Let the trumpets ring
Sing your freaking lungs out
Jesus Christ is King!
Jesus is my Savior
Jesus is divine
Jesus is my answer
Jesus is my life
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine
Give us ears that we may hear them
voice that we may sing them
life that we may live them
hope that we may give them
hearts that we can feel them
eyes that we can see them
thoughts that we may think them
tongues that we may speak Your words
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
food for thought.
As I was delving into the book of James yesterday I found this verse in 4:5 - "He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us."
And because I am a nerd I decided to look it up in French...I like comparing the languages because sometimes you get something you just won't find in English. It says: "Dieu ne tolère aucun rival de l'Esprit qu'il a fait habiter en nous."
Direct translation: "God tolerates no rivals for the Spirit that he has made to dwell in us."
What is there that you let fight for your soul besides God? Because I can tell you that anything that fights against God won't win, because we are a "war already won," (lyrics taken from Starfield's "Revolution").
And because I am a nerd I decided to look it up in French...I like comparing the languages because sometimes you get something you just won't find in English. It says: "Dieu ne tolère aucun rival de l'Esprit qu'il a fait habiter en nous."
Direct translation: "God tolerates no rivals for the Spirit that he has made to dwell in us."
What is there that you let fight for your soul besides God? Because I can tell you that anything that fights against God won't win, because we are a "war already won," (lyrics taken from Starfield's "Revolution").
Sunday, February 20, 2011
decisions.
So as most of you know, my heart as been torn in two lately about whether or not I should go back to Mexico for the summer.
I ended up not applying for many reasons:
1) Wanting to love on, encourage, and impact the people I live and work with throughout my last college summer (omigosh omigosh omigosh I'm graduating and gonna be a real live teacher!! *begin freaking out*)
2) No sub-leaser and definitely NO funds to pay for my apartment for the summer without having a full-time job. (Super-duper thankful that my awesome parents paid for my apartment last summer). It's not that I don't trust God to come up with this money, because I've seen him do it, but I feel like with student loans on the horizon I need to save...because I have debt that I owe and I don't think I can just push that off.
3) My roommate is getting married and I already missed one roomie's wedding last year (sorry Al). I know I could possibly come back for it, but it's May 21st and that would mean me being in El Paso for like a week and then coming back. Not a very good example for new interns.
4) Student teaching is next spring and I am not going to be able to really have a job while doing that AND I have to pay for 12 hours of school...even though I'm technically not taking classes. So taking the internship would mean coming back and having like three months to work on top of classes and try to save for spring.
5) Spending time with family before I graduate. I'll never forget how hard I cried and how hard my mom cried when I got off the plane in August and saw my family for the first time in three months. Now some of you say, "I haven't seen my family in years." Well, I grew up in a tight-knit huggy, "I love you," sort of family. I miss them a lot when I'm gone.
ANYWAYS, I've been thinking over all these reasons and still have been wanting to go back. But tonight I am at peace, because I realized something as I was listening to my Alex Campos Mexico song....
I was an absolute wreck when I came back to Kansas in August. My first day back I went to Sunday school at Olivet and I was holding back tears all the way through. It was like a mini panic attack. For some reason, I had to get out of there. So I did. And I cried and cried when I left. I cried for the next few days. And even called Shane once in hysterics not knowing what the heck to do with myself because I was going insane. (This is very hard to explain if you've never been out of the country or on a missions trip for a long period of time...it's heart-wrenching).
I even went to therapy where she really listened to me talk through what I had seen and dealt with. I talked about the homes that burned down and how three families were living in a burnt shell of a home. I talked about the people I worked with. I talked about how my brain wanted to explode by the end of the summer from Spanish overload. I talked about how I didn't cry for three months straight but instead bottled everything up so that teams wouldn't see me freak out.
The point is...what if God thinks it's not good for me right now? Because I HAVE to come back to school again in the fall. I have things to finish here. I have a lot of learning and growing left to do. What if God is saying, "Stay here," because I just might not be able to handle coming back again?
Just my thoughts. It seriously breaks my heart to think about a summer not in Mexico after last summer...but God has reasons. And I am here. And I will be obedient. And I will try to be loving to everyone...which I have been SERIOUSLY bad at lately. I will have to post the story of the pickle-flicker sometime.
But I'm tired and have a long week ahead. Just thought I'd share what I believe God laid on my heart tonight.
I ended up not applying for many reasons:
1) Wanting to love on, encourage, and impact the people I live and work with throughout my last college summer (omigosh omigosh omigosh I'm graduating and gonna be a real live teacher!! *begin freaking out*)
2) No sub-leaser and definitely NO funds to pay for my apartment for the summer without having a full-time job. (Super-duper thankful that my awesome parents paid for my apartment last summer). It's not that I don't trust God to come up with this money, because I've seen him do it, but I feel like with student loans on the horizon I need to save...because I have debt that I owe and I don't think I can just push that off.
3) My roommate is getting married and I already missed one roomie's wedding last year (sorry Al). I know I could possibly come back for it, but it's May 21st and that would mean me being in El Paso for like a week and then coming back. Not a very good example for new interns.
4) Student teaching is next spring and I am not going to be able to really have a job while doing that AND I have to pay for 12 hours of school...even though I'm technically not taking classes. So taking the internship would mean coming back and having like three months to work on top of classes and try to save for spring.
5) Spending time with family before I graduate. I'll never forget how hard I cried and how hard my mom cried when I got off the plane in August and saw my family for the first time in three months. Now some of you say, "I haven't seen my family in years." Well, I grew up in a tight-knit huggy, "I love you," sort of family. I miss them a lot when I'm gone.
ANYWAYS, I've been thinking over all these reasons and still have been wanting to go back. But tonight I am at peace, because I realized something as I was listening to my Alex Campos Mexico song....
I was an absolute wreck when I came back to Kansas in August. My first day back I went to Sunday school at Olivet and I was holding back tears all the way through. It was like a mini panic attack. For some reason, I had to get out of there. So I did. And I cried and cried when I left. I cried for the next few days. And even called Shane once in hysterics not knowing what the heck to do with myself because I was going insane. (This is very hard to explain if you've never been out of the country or on a missions trip for a long period of time...it's heart-wrenching).
I even went to therapy where she really listened to me talk through what I had seen and dealt with. I talked about the homes that burned down and how three families were living in a burnt shell of a home. I talked about the people I worked with. I talked about how my brain wanted to explode by the end of the summer from Spanish overload. I talked about how I didn't cry for three months straight but instead bottled everything up so that teams wouldn't see me freak out.
The point is...what if God thinks it's not good for me right now? Because I HAVE to come back to school again in the fall. I have things to finish here. I have a lot of learning and growing left to do. What if God is saying, "Stay here," because I just might not be able to handle coming back again?
Just my thoughts. It seriously breaks my heart to think about a summer not in Mexico after last summer...but God has reasons. And I am here. And I will be obedient. And I will try to be loving to everyone...which I have been SERIOUSLY bad at lately. I will have to post the story of the pickle-flicker sometime.
But I'm tired and have a long week ahead. Just thought I'd share what I believe God laid on my heart tonight.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
13 going on....23.
I actually saw this in another blog and really loved it. So since I love writing I decided to do one. I hope I don't cry. Seriously.
Dear 13-year-old Aubrie,
It is 2002 and you are about to start 8th grade at a new school. You've lived in Wichita for a couple months and you miss your best friend. But don't worry. She'll still be your best friend ten years from now. Call her and keep hanging out with her. You will walk into your new 6A school and wonder if you will ever make friends. A few days later a girl at volleyball practice will ask to be your warm-up partner. Say yes. She'll be one of your best friends throughout the next year and high school.
There will also be a girl on the team who will call you names and put you down and use you. Don't let her get to you. And don't snap at her. She wants someone to love her. I promise.
Oh and you know the guy on the football team that will jokingly ask you out a few times? Ignore him. It's a bet with his friends and you'll only get hurt. (Good, you took my advice. Now pass it on.)
Enjoy every minute of 8th grade, because here comes high school, and it's a whole new game. Freshman year, 2003. The year of drama, drama, drama. One of your best friends will have everyone turn their backs on her and spread nasty rumors about her. Sit with her at lunch even if it means you get made fun of too. It'll be worth it in the end. Stand up for what you believe in.
Spanish I....You'll be good at it and people will make fun of you. But when your teacher says to go all the way with it, do it. It will come in handy.
Summer "romances".....My only advice to you would be to not date someone your friends set you up with. You'll beg and plead for Dad to let him take you out. Just wait till you're older.
Or not.
Sophomore year, you'll be cut from the volleyball team for not being tall enough. Don't worry too much because later you'll wish you were shorter. Take yearbook instead. I know you're just a lowly writer who gets sent out to do the stories no one else wants, but stick with it. Editor your senior year will be a fun position.
Summer 2005. Here's the biggie. You know that church camp you've been invited to twice? Go. Do it. You'll have a really bad cold and hate the first two days, but wait for Wednesday. You're gonna meet Jesus and He's gonna sweep you off your feet. You will feel more free than you have in a long time. Get ready because the course of your eternity has changed.
When you come back, people will think you're crazy. It's okay. Keep seeking God because He has big plans for you.
Junior year a boy will trick you and make a bet behind your back and then dump you. Cry, but don't hate him. Forgive him and let him go.
Senior year. Live it up. Love God. Love your friends. Spend every minute together, because you'll miss them when they're gone. Oh, and the last night before graduation you'll be on the football field looking at the stars at midnight with those good friends. Well, that's called trespassing and here comes the athletic director. Run. And don't forget to turn around and help when Sharisse gets stuck hopping the fence. You'll laugh so hard you almost pee your pants. And you'll remember that night forever.
And first loves...they're amazing and heart-breaking at the same time. Have fun and try not to be too mean. You tend to do that sometimes. It'll be three years of a rollercoaster ride and God will do big things, but send you different ways. It will take a while, but you'll be okay.
You'll travel to Mexico, unsure why you even chose to go on the trip...until you get there. Your heart will shatter when you leave. You'll wait three years for an internship and your time will finally come.
Bible college. Freshman year will be rough. You'll cry a lot, your heart will ache, and you'll miss your friends. Try not to go home too much because dorm years pass quickly. And hey, you get to live with that best friend you missed so much! See, told ya she'd stick around. You'll fight like cats, but only for a while. You'll learn a lot about yourself and about God. Take naps. Go mattress surfing. And MCC breakfast for lunch...THE BEST. Hit it up.
Sophomore year will be the best. Seven crazy roommates in one awesome suite. Be open with them because they truly will love you and care about you and pray for you.
Ok so you'll teach a kindergarten class that will make you want to rip your hair out and drop out of school. Don't do it. It's not all that bad.
Internship. It will be life-changing. Brace yourself for the hardest summer of your life. People will trust you to build a house for them. Teams will think you know your way around...when you get to Acuna, pay attention when David shows you around.
You won't take my advice and you'll get more lost than you've ever been in your life. In a foreign country. With a team behind you and rain hammering down and the streets flooding from a hurricane. Don't worry, you finally find where you're going. You'll come out alive even though sometimes it seems like you won't. You'll cry for days in August because you didn't cry for three months straight. It's okay to cry. But remember that you need to move forward.
And now, it's senior year at K-State. You have one year left. One year to love people and impact them for God's kingdom. Carry these memories with you because they make you who you are. Walk with God and let him teach you and carry you when you need it most. He likes to do that.
And know that you are loved.
Love,
Your older self
Dear 13-year-old Aubrie,
It is 2002 and you are about to start 8th grade at a new school. You've lived in Wichita for a couple months and you miss your best friend. But don't worry. She'll still be your best friend ten years from now. Call her and keep hanging out with her. You will walk into your new 6A school and wonder if you will ever make friends. A few days later a girl at volleyball practice will ask to be your warm-up partner. Say yes. She'll be one of your best friends throughout the next year and high school.
There will also be a girl on the team who will call you names and put you down and use you. Don't let her get to you. And don't snap at her. She wants someone to love her. I promise.
Oh and you know the guy on the football team that will jokingly ask you out a few times? Ignore him. It's a bet with his friends and you'll only get hurt. (Good, you took my advice. Now pass it on.)
Enjoy every minute of 8th grade, because here comes high school, and it's a whole new game. Freshman year, 2003. The year of drama, drama, drama. One of your best friends will have everyone turn their backs on her and spread nasty rumors about her. Sit with her at lunch even if it means you get made fun of too. It'll be worth it in the end. Stand up for what you believe in.
Spanish I....You'll be good at it and people will make fun of you. But when your teacher says to go all the way with it, do it. It will come in handy.
Summer "romances".....My only advice to you would be to not date someone your friends set you up with. You'll beg and plead for Dad to let him take you out. Just wait till you're older.
Or not.
Sophomore year, you'll be cut from the volleyball team for not being tall enough. Don't worry too much because later you'll wish you were shorter. Take yearbook instead. I know you're just a lowly writer who gets sent out to do the stories no one else wants, but stick with it. Editor your senior year will be a fun position.
Summer 2005. Here's the biggie. You know that church camp you've been invited to twice? Go. Do it. You'll have a really bad cold and hate the first two days, but wait for Wednesday. You're gonna meet Jesus and He's gonna sweep you off your feet. You will feel more free than you have in a long time. Get ready because the course of your eternity has changed.
When you come back, people will think you're crazy. It's okay. Keep seeking God because He has big plans for you.
Junior year a boy will trick you and make a bet behind your back and then dump you. Cry, but don't hate him. Forgive him and let him go.
Senior year. Live it up. Love God. Love your friends. Spend every minute together, because you'll miss them when they're gone. Oh, and the last night before graduation you'll be on the football field looking at the stars at midnight with those good friends. Well, that's called trespassing and here comes the athletic director. Run. And don't forget to turn around and help when Sharisse gets stuck hopping the fence. You'll laugh so hard you almost pee your pants. And you'll remember that night forever.
And first loves...they're amazing and heart-breaking at the same time. Have fun and try not to be too mean. You tend to do that sometimes. It'll be three years of a rollercoaster ride and God will do big things, but send you different ways. It will take a while, but you'll be okay.
You'll travel to Mexico, unsure why you even chose to go on the trip...until you get there. Your heart will shatter when you leave. You'll wait three years for an internship and your time will finally come.
Bible college. Freshman year will be rough. You'll cry a lot, your heart will ache, and you'll miss your friends. Try not to go home too much because dorm years pass quickly. And hey, you get to live with that best friend you missed so much! See, told ya she'd stick around. You'll fight like cats, but only for a while. You'll learn a lot about yourself and about God. Take naps. Go mattress surfing. And MCC breakfast for lunch...THE BEST. Hit it up.
Sophomore year will be the best. Seven crazy roommates in one awesome suite. Be open with them because they truly will love you and care about you and pray for you.
Ok so you'll teach a kindergarten class that will make you want to rip your hair out and drop out of school. Don't do it. It's not all that bad.
Internship. It will be life-changing. Brace yourself for the hardest summer of your life. People will trust you to build a house for them. Teams will think you know your way around...when you get to Acuna, pay attention when David shows you around.
You won't take my advice and you'll get more lost than you've ever been in your life. In a foreign country. With a team behind you and rain hammering down and the streets flooding from a hurricane. Don't worry, you finally find where you're going. You'll come out alive even though sometimes it seems like you won't. You'll cry for days in August because you didn't cry for three months straight. It's okay to cry. But remember that you need to move forward.
And now, it's senior year at K-State. You have one year left. One year to love people and impact them for God's kingdom. Carry these memories with you because they make you who you are. Walk with God and let him teach you and carry you when you need it most. He likes to do that.
And know that you are loved.
Love,
Your older self
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