God and curveballs.

So, in case you thought I dropped off the face of the earth, I decided to post something. As if a ton of people read this! ha.

I am realizing lately how quickly God changes our plans. Two months ago, I was geared up and ready to head to El Paso right after graduation to start teaching English or do something crazy. I emailed a couple teachers, a couple orphanages, and none got back to me. I emailed some missionaries. Never got back to me. I started to get frustrated, but then I was like, "I'll just go and see what happens." Most of you who know me know that Mexico holds a large part of my heart. And I know that it will until my life ends and I get to walk into heaven and see all of my precious Mexican/El Paso-an friends, the people who became my family over the course of my short three months there.

But you see, God has captured my heart for something totally new, and that is my high school students. I was afraid of student teaching before I started. I have heard nightmarish stories from friends who student taught and hated it. But I am LOVING it. I love my teacher, I love the school, and I love those kids.

See, even though I thought my eyes were opened in Mexico (which in a sense, they were) I was totally blind to something else. I was blind to the fact that students in a high-income, "well-off" district need Jesus too. They need love. They need someone to talk to. And as they have started to open up to me, my heart is being filled to the brim. I can't even begin to explain the pain that goes on in a regular day for some of these kids. I believe this is my mission right now. I never thought my "dream" would change.

Honestly, part of me feels guilty. I see images in my mind of those beautiful children in Juarez in the slums, of Carmen and her husband asking me not to forget them, of the old man asking me when his house was coming, and I want to go back. I miss blisters and dirt and sweat. But for some reason, staying in Kansas (as much as I was against it before) feels right, at least for now. And I know I'll never forget. And I know I will forever be part of Casas teams, at least until I am physically unable to build. Right now I want so badly to instill in my high school kids a love for the broken and the unloved and the forgotten.

Another curveball that God has thrown in my life is that I went from being the person who said, "Single fo' life" to being back in a relationship with the best guy I know. We kinda started dating way back at the beginning of my senior year of high school, dated for like three years, and then went different ways for two years. I couldn't be more excited about us being back together. It's so right. We are best friends. We laugh about stupid things like the hatred of TempurPedic beds and how I about broke a hip the first time I took a running leap into my parents new TP bed.

I think I knew I was meant to be with him when we went to Lawrence together back in October for Heather and Shawn's engagement party. See, I was trying to make cake balls. And while the cake balls themselves turned out okay, the chocolate for dipping definitely did not. I wanted to cry because I spent a lot of time on the cake part. And then Andrew came in and started making me crack up about these stupid cake balls by plopping a glob of accidentally-caramelized white chocolate on top of each one. (They actually tasted pretty good!) I figure as long as he can make me laugh about my bad cooking, then we'll be okay. Ha.

When I look back on our two years apart, I am amazed at the things God has done in both of our lives. We've both grown, matured, and learned so much. I think even though it sucked, we needed this time apart. I am so proud of the man Andrew has become. I wouldn't want to serve God alongside anyone else. (He's going to read this - maybe? - and be like, "What the heck? Why are you writing about me?")

Anyways, life's crazy. God is good. Bottom line.

*I have interviews at four high schools in the Wichita area next week. Prayer would definitely be appreciated! I'd love to have a job right off the bat!*

And then with the cheesiness - this picture made me laugh.

2006

2012

la perfeccionista.

I'm a perfectionist. To the core. You probably wouldn't know this if you walked into my room, because 99% of the time it's a pit. But I'm talking about what I do. I'm FINALLY student teaching, and it's been great so far. God has graciously placed me in a good school with an amazing teacher who is great to talk to and learn from. I'm seriously really grateful - I have had some friends with student teaching experiences from Hades, friends who were so stressed they spent more time puking than planning. I am so glad to be where I am!

But you see the thing that gets me is that whole perfectionist thing. I want my lessons to go perfectly because I know I will probably be super hard on myself if I screw things up. It's only two weeks in and God is already working in my heart, teaching me new things. It amazes me how much one verse of his Word can speak to me. Tonight after I had worked on a couple things for school, I just started getting overwhelmed and I got stuck. And then I start thinking that I'm never going to be a teacher.

So I grabbed my Bible and went out and sat in my favorite chair in our living room. It's this green recliner thing that my parents didn't want anymore, and I loooovvveee it. I start flipping through just praying about how I didn't want to stress myself out this semester, but rather learn from my mistakes and move on. And I came to this verse that I've read oh so many times but never really READ, if you know what I'm saying:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:6

It's like God's saying, "Hey, since when is this all about you?" I am reminded of the older woman I met in Mexico (which you can read about HERE) who told me that I had good feet for serving God...for serving our mighty God. I truly believe I have been called to teach, and after tonight I know that God is going to be faithful in strengthening me for that call. I think it's time for me to mess up, to learn, to work hard, to pray, cry, laugh, and seek God. Because if I am at the head of that classroom and I'm not constantly filling myself with God, I can't expect Him to be evident in my work.

And for some reason I forget that God cares about what I care about. He cares that I'm freaking out about wanting to be such a good teacher. He feels my heartbeat pick up and my mind race when I am unsure of what to do next. And just like always, he will see me through, teach me, and strengthen me.

So here's to a new tomorrow. I desire so much to be like Isaiah. Here I am God, send me.

juarez 2011.

First off, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who donated to our trip this year, whether it was funds or prayer or coats.

This is the first time we've gone as a church group to Juarez since 2008, and I was so pumped about it. Builds have gone down so much that only three or four houses went up in Juarez last week. I am reminded that God is still working in that city no matter how many houses go up (although I'd prefer it were more).

The week went well with the interns building right next to us. We all stayed at the same place (the SHOC) in the Kilometers, a very poor area on the outskirts of Juarez. This is quite possibly my favorite place to build, if it's okay to have a favorite!

Instead of telling you about the house itself, I want to tell you about a family who is very close to my heart. Kevin and I built for them last summer. The odd thing about this build is that we never actually met the family we were building for, but we met the grandparents (Carmen and Mauro) who lived on the property. The mom (whom I believe to be single) was in Monterrey because her son had stomach cancer and he was being treated. Every day, Carmen made us breakfast and sometimes a snack around lunchtime. Every day, she gave the high school girls working on our team a "lesson" in cooking. I remember she told them that when they could shake their hips and cook rice at the same time, they were ready to get married. She was so in love with her husband who worked hard on their land and keeping their pigs fed and taken care of (many families have pigs as a source of income and maybe food...I'm not completely sure). I remember her saying that on her first date with her husband, he took her to dinner and she said she knew she had to have him for dessert. And coming from a 55 year old woman, this is hilarious (maybe coming from anyone that's hilarious).

The thing about Carmen is that she had diabetes pretty bad. Her feet were black in some parts and she had to sit down a lot because they hurt so bad. She had a bed on their makeshift porch where she laid down in the shade to stay cool. For some reason, this woman touched my heart and stands out among many of the families I've met. I came back to visit once a short time after that build and then promised I'd be back to visit later.

So last week, a year and a half later, I came back and I brought some blankets I wanted to give to her. I picked some out of our donations that I thought were special because my mom and I had made them. I had half of my team with me because we were on our way to the Soriana (Mexican version of Wal-Mart) to pick up some stuff for the dedication party. I got out and saw Mauro immediately. He greeted me and then quickly took me and my team inside to show us what he had done with the house since we built. It was all painted and his three grandkids were still sleeping. "Flojos!" he joked at them as we walked past. We moved slowly through the house as he uses a cane to get around. He started talking more quietly about his grandkids and the house. Then all of a sudden he said, "I lost my wife this year." And he started crying. "Disculpeme," he said. I didn't know what to say, and honestly I knew if I said something I would break down too. Even though I knew Carmen for only a few days, her love for God and her family had this lasting effect on me.

Mauro then took us outside where he showed us everything they had planted before Carmen passed away. He told me that he just wasn't able to keep up with all of the flowers and the cactus they had planted. He started talking about how he missed her so much, that he loved her and no one else. And then he started crying again. He said it had only been a few weeks since she died, and I couldn't take it anymore. It's hard to describe a 65 year old man sobbing, but it tears at your heart. So I went to the van to get the blankets I had and while I was there I cried pretty hard for this woman and her family. I cried because part of me feels like if she had a better home then she wouldn't have died (remember the house we built wasn't for her. She always said she wanted her kids to have a home because she would be okay without one), or maybe a way to get to a hospital that could take care of her.

God spoke to me this week, reminding me of life after death. Mauro knows that Carmen is at God's side, and I believe this too. It was a reminder of the calling God has placed on my life, to share about him and to help those in need.

I hope the blankets that I wanted to give to Carmen keep her grandchildren warm this winter. Mauro asked me to pray for the rest of his wife, and in a way I know that she is already resting better than she ever did on Earth. And I can't wait to see her again someday.

I wish I had taken a picture of them. I have one in my memory, but it's not super clear and I wish I had one to look at.

I hope you enjoy these pictures, most of which are from my friend Heather. Thanks again for donating, praying, and sharing what you have with those who don't have.


Preparing the foundation for concrete.



Putting in some anchor straps to hold the walls to the concrete.


Nailing together the beam that runs down the middle of the roof.


After standing the walls.



Putting up blackboard.


Insulation!


The dreaded chicken wire.


Handing out some toys.


Putting the roof on.


Carrying the next roof section over.


Stucco.


And more stucco.


Some of the other team built a slide for the kids.


Soccer in the street.


We had a dedication party, complete with balloons and over 200 hot dogs.


My brother talking about Matthew 7:24. I was so proud of him!



Roman nailing the plaque to his new home.



And of course I had to add the one of the precious baby girl that I got to hold!

2011.

Well dang! Here I am again. A year later. I feel like I wrote about 2010 like, yesterday. It's been kind of a rough year emotionally, but God is constantly teaching me, like usual.

In January, I came back from Mexico and got right into school and work. I took what K-State calls "Block 1" which is the first part of the education program. It's about 12 hours of classes that all have to do with education. I finished my Spanish classes required for my certification and also got to teach an 8th grade social studies lesson as part of my practicum for one of my classes. I loved it, but I think that I am definitely more of a high school teacher!

Over spring break, I headed to Acuña, Mexico, to build again with a small group from my church. We laughed a lot, cried some, and celebrated with another family that has been touched by Christ's love through Casas por Cristo. It was truly a humbling experience for me as I realized that I had forgotten much of what I learned as an intern, and had to relearn some of the building stuff!

This summer, I headed to Hawaii with my family. We spent most of our days on the beach, which was definitely fine by me. I had been taking a medication for my acne (which has overstayed its welcome...still) and had to stop taking it as the sun made my skin feel like it was on fire. After that I was able to just enjoy the sun! I learned stand-up paddle surfing, which was probably my favorite part of the trip. Amanda and I tried wind-surfing as well, and it was maybe the most frustrating thing I've ever done. Probably won't do that again.

The rest of the summer I worked pretty much full time at my job, which I love. I feel like I have family there and for the most part I really enjoy getting to go to work every day. I don't think a lot of people can say that about their jobs. I learned a lot about serving and trying to be Christ's example to the people I work with. I worked with the same people almost every day, so we got to know each other pretty well and probably even fought like family sometimes!

At the end of the summer, I spent back-to-back weeks in Florida and Seattle. We took separate flights to Florida, so my parents went ahead while Brandon and I were in charge of Amanda and her best friend...it was interesting! We laughed so much on the way there because it was like trying to get small children through the airport! Again we spent most of our time on the beach.

In Seattle, I got to see family I haven't seen in a while, which was great. It was just me and my mom that got to go, and we had an awesome time helping my grandma fix up her house and then just hanging out with my aunt, uncle, and cousin, and starting my teacher's wardrobe at the outlet malls.

Right after I got back, I started Block 2 at K-State, which is more intensive and a LOT of work. Someone told me it was easy and I think they lied! I spent 8 hours a week at the elementary school working with ESL students. Then on the other days I spent a few hours a day in the high school where I will be student teaching next semester. The kids there are great and I am so excited to get started! I had a project due every week, and then my massive unit plan (3 weeks of lesson plans and materials) at the end of the semester. I'm happy to say that I passed with flying colors! I never thought I would survive...but I did! Yay! After ten hours of work on my portfolio, I am ready to start student teaching. I have begun looking at jobs and am not sure at all where I'll end up. I kind of don't like to think about it! Honestly, if I could I would strap on a backpack and head for South America. But that doesn't exactly pay the student loans!

A couple weeks ago, I ran my fourth half marathon and got pretty sick to my stomach after. Two of my best friends ran as well and this was their first race...they finished strong! So proud of them! This is the second time I've been sick afterward, so I might just have to not run them anymore. I am hoping that next year I can move somewhere where I can still be active. I really want to try rock-climbing, so maybe somewhere mountainous?

Anyways, I leave for Juarez on the 26th and I'm so excited to meet another family and get to share Christ with them as well. I'm ready to serve and not shower and get dirty and get blisters and cry and laugh with close friends for a week. We have boxes of stuff to take down to help people stay warm. Thank you to everyone who donated funds, prayer, and warm clothing! I will definitely post about our trip after we get back.

Right after I return from Mexico, I'm headed for student teaching! I will be teaching Spanish 2, 3, and 4 to high school students and I'm pumped about it! I'm ready to finally get to put into practice everything I've been learning for the past five years!

After student teaching, I will be working at Camp War Eagle at Beaver Lake for two months as a camp/cabin counselor. It's a Christian adventure camp for underprivileged kids (many kids don't have to pay) and I was told I might either be teaching horseback riding or rock-climbing....This is a step outside my comfort zone as I'm not quite sure what to expect, but I'm ready for it! I am hoping that God is going to teach me a lot and also use me to help many students that come through the camp.

And if you made it this far, thank you for reading about my 2011. I hope that God has taught you much this year. John Piper said in his new video that he pictures the end of each year as an account before Jesus. What would we say to him? And then he thinks, "I get another year!" God's grace is so good. Hope you are well my friends!

too much at stake.

It's been a long time since I've written anything. In my last post I was talking about how I couldn't wait for December to be here and here it is!

Lately I've been watching sermons by Paul Washer. At first I wasn't sure what to think...but the more I watch him and listen to him, the more I agree. He has a love for people that is so amazing. He's preaches really harsh truth, and I think a lot of people don't like him because it's hard to hear what he says. But I think it's imperative to who we are...he talks about how you can't put enough worth on a soul.

What would my life look like if I constantly loved people no matter how they treated me? Here's the first video I wanted to share.



The next one is about false teachers and the church in America. So many people are being deceived by these false teachers that gain so much fame...and it's heartbreaking. People pick out pieces of scripture that they want to hear and they twist the rest of it to what they want.



What do you think?

just being honest.

So, my friend Brian posted about discouragement a couple days ago, and that's exactly what this post is going to be about.

To be honest with you guys, I have not been okay the last few days. I've been more sad than I probably have been in a while, and I don't like it. For those of you that know me, I'm not a sad person! But lately all I feel like doing is sleeping and running. Some people eat, some people watch endless movies, some people work work work. I run. I could probably run myself into the ground if I had the time to keep going.

I watch my friends work on projects and complete their assignments and I just can't do it. I've stayed caught up with everything, but I have a couple huge projects that are due in December and for some reason I can't wrap my mind around them. Sometimes I wonder if some things are difficult for me now because school used to come really easy for me. I didn't really used to have to actually work on stuff, and now that I do it's just super overwhelming.

And they're pushing for us to start job searching, and I honestly have no clue what to do. I want to end up somewhere in Texas, but there's jobs all over the United States and the world. (Not quite ready to take the international leap yet). My cover letter and resume sit unfinished on the desktop of my computer, because I'm not quite sure what to write about myself.

Lately I feel like Satan has just been shoving things in my face. Things like, "You'll never make it. You're gonna be a sucky teacher. Why aren't you prettier, funnier, more outgoing?"

And I honestly know that these things aren't true. I know that if I desire to be a good teacher, I will be. And Tuesday in class I had to write a rap about boys and do it in front of the entire class and, well, everyone laughed, so I guess I'm funny at times.

The point is, like Brian says in his post, we all are dealing with discouragement at some point in our lives. And God has put amazing people in our lives to help us with that. I called my mom yesterday and basically bawled my eyes out to her. She's the best at listening, and sometimes that's what you need.

I want out of this rut, and I know it will happen. December will come, I will survive, and I will turn in all my projects, and I'll pass just like every semester before. Part of me wishes it would hurry up, but part of me is like, "Whoa! Slow down!"

Please don't think this is me writing about my pity party....this post is my honest prayer request. Please pray that I will be a good teacher, a good student, and even better, a friend and example of Christ to those in need. Because I haven't been doing well at that lately.

My favorite rapper Lecrae said, "Can they tell you value Jesus by the way you rep his name?"

I sure hope so. I really do.

teaching.

This weekend I've had a lot of time on my hands and I've been spending a lot of time thinking. My friends and I have been trying to live it up this year because we know that the end of college is right around the corner.

So right now four of us are planning this huge road trip to Cocoa Beach for a week. I want to Google all of the "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives" for each city that we drive through so that when we get hungry we can eat somewhere totally awesome. I think it's going to be a cheap trip, which is what all of us need! It looks like we'll be stopping in places like Fayetteville, Memphis, Birmingham, Albany, and Orlando on the way there....I can say that I'm PUMPED for this trip and that I hope it works out! We aren't going until after graduation in May, soooo we've got a while to think about it.

I've been in "teacher mode" lately because, well, that's what I've been doing. I am now officially working in the schools more than I am attending school myself. I haven't really gotten to teach yet, but I love just being there and learning from my cooperating teachers.

But you know, sometimes I am just SO overwhelmed. Today I have sat here for 3 hours and I feel like I really didn't accomplish much. Teaching does that to you sometimes. You can work on something for hours, decide you hate it, erase it, start over, and three hours later you still have almost nothing done. Sometimes it's really discouraging. I look ahead of me and see ALL the work I have to do over the next six months until I graduate...and it's so much.

Portfolios and lesson plans consume my life.

Right now I'm trying to plan a two week unit for Spanish I. A lot harder than I thought it would be, especially trying to make it flow well between the days.

And as an ESL teacher I am realizing that I need to start learning some other content areas. I have had high school students bring me their AP biology homework and asking me questions that I just don't have the answers to. I was not the best at math and science in high school...but now that my students are coming to me with questions about it, I finally feel like I want to learn more about it.

The past few days I have felt really at peace with God....like he has this huge plan for my life that is slowly unfolding, I can feel it. I have no clue where to go after I graduate...but I'm excited about wherever I'm going to end up. I have this crazy idea...but I'm not quite ready to share it with the world.

I have an amazing family and it was a blessing getting to go home and see them this weekend. And I have felt so loved and taken care of by my friends who are my constant support and chocolate suppliers.

We sang this song at church this morning, so I thought I'd share it with you. It is one of my new favorites.

james banks.

I really was meaning to write this earlier, but life has of course been crazy and I never got around to it.

For those of you who don't know, because I am going to be a Spanish/ESL teacher it is almost a given that I am really into multicultural education. I like studying about things like racism, sexism, discrimination and its effects, and learning how we as teachers can change things like this.

Dr. James Banks, one of the most renowned educators/researchers/speakers in multicultural ed from the University of Washington, came to K-State last week to talk about many things related to these topics. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, but I'm glad I did. This man has got to be one of the most influential people in education today, and I got to listen to him for an hour and a half. So I guess this is my review and thoughts on what he had to say.

He opened with the fact that our schools in the United States are often more focused on testing and scores than on teaching our students to be humane and to treat one another well. He read this letter that a certain principal wrote to his new teachers every year. This is what it said:

"Dear Teacher,
I am a survivor of a concentration camp. My eyes saw what no man should witness:
Gas chambers built by learned engineers. Children poisoned by educated physicians. Infants killed by trained nurses. Women and babies shot and burned by high school and college graduates. So I am suspicious of education. My request is: Help your students become human. Your efforts must never produce learned monsters, skilled psychopaths, educated Eichmanns.
Reading, writing, arithmetic are important only if they serve to make our children more human."

Even in the elementary classroom I am working in now, I see the beginnings of stereotypes, discrimination, and bullying. And some teachers do nothing to stop it. I won't be that teacher.

He also talked about cosmopolitanism. Now, honestly the first thing that came to my mind was Cosmopolitan magazine (which I don't read and could probably write a whole 'nother blog about). I had no idea what this word meant, but I like his thoughts. We need to educate our children to have allegiance to all people as humans. His example was mourning the loss of men and women in other countries to things like war, famine, and disease, like we mourn the loss of our own people due to these things (and other things).

The last thing he said that hit me was this:

***note: I was really unsure whether I should post this, because, well, me and Dante probably don't agree on everything, and I don't take this quote literally. But I get what he's trying to say.***

"Dante said the worst place in hell is reserved for those who, in times of crisis, were neutral. If this room were on fire, would you sit here and be neutral?" We need to educate our students to be people who stand up for others. Too many students are bullied constantly and people (students and teachers alike) stand by and watch it happen. I realize that Dante was not talking about bullying, but one thing that Dr. Banks said was that the world's most momentous problems come from people who don't know how to get along.

What if our students graduated from high school and knew how to love one another, how to really think through and solve social problems, how to become "world-changers"? Many students are just passed along and never cared about, never invested in, and never taught anything outside the curriculum. I know, I'm not a teacher yet, and I don't know everything. I know there'll be days when I'm fed up and tired and I don't want to teach anymore. But until a day like that comes, I want to be the best teacher I can be, and I think that includes so much more than just the curriculum. I have been blessed to have some pretty great teachers in my life who are now my friends, and I hope that is what I can become to my future students.

"Be ashamed to die until you've won some victory for human kind." - Horace Mann

You can listen to Dr. Banks HERE.

life lately.

My life has been insanely crazy lately. like crazy.

Up until now I've been working, taking classes, running, planning this trip to Mexico (which if you haven't read my post below, you should!), tailgating in the very unusual September cold.

God has been doing many good things in my life lately. I think one of them is helping me survive the semester. For the first month of class I didn't even have time to unpack in my new apartment because I was constantly going somewhere or doing something. I came home to sleep and that was about it. Senioritis is beginning to hit hard. It's difficult for me to keep up with the reading for each class that I have and to do the homework. I don't even want to think about most of the stuff I have to do by December.

God has blessed me with amazing friends who know exactly how I feel right now. Sharisse came to my apartment the other night and said, "Aubrie, I barely have time to think, I'm three weeks behind on reading in this class, I come home just to sleep, I haven't had time to go running, AHHHHH!!!!"

Exactly how I feel. Exactly.

Something God's been teaching me: my plans may not be his plans.

"We can make our own plans,
but the Lord gives the right answer." - Prov. 16:1

Honestly, I have no idea where I'm going in my life. None. Zip. And for some reason I become less afraid every day.

Gosh. I really want to write something REALLY good. And it's not that nothing good is going on. I'm loving my life right now. Just tough to put everything into words I guess.

My new apartment is GREAT. It's quiet. It's cheap. We have our own washer and dryer with water paid for by the landlord. When the washer is spinning it's SUPER loud and shakes the entire floor, but whatever. It works. And my room is spacious.

Oh, I forgot. My friends and I watched a documentary the other night called Paperclips. If you haven't watched it, watch it. It brought up some good conversation and thoughts among us.

I can't wait for the day I can fill this blog with more than just random crap about me. I want to write about other people, so I have tried, as you can see. But I really want to write. Just gotta find something that people want to read.

well, here i am again.

A couple months ago, a friend of mine asked me if I would plan another trip to Juarez this December. I had been thinking about planning one, but never really got around to actually saying I would go.

And now I'm here. I've got barely enough people to make a team. I've got the people, and all we need are the funds. (Which, to me is weird because I think most of the time the problem is that teams are short on people and not funds.)

Last year, we raised nearly all of the money we needed to get us to Juarez, build a house, and come back.

I'm going to be honest with you, we need at least $6600 to do this. Last year, we had donations from $5 to $400. And we needed every bit of that to help us accomplish our goal, which was to build a home for a family who made less than $300 a month and was living in a cardboard shack. We went, built, Christ was shared, and we were changed.

Please seriously consider supporting our team this year! Everything you donate goes to things from nails and shims to new doors and windows and enough lumber for the roof.

We are building the week after Christmas. Temps drop below 0 in Juarez in the winter and many people won't make it through to spring. Many homes look like this.....



Please consider giving up something this Christmas so that a family can have a warm home and the good news of Christ.

To those of you who have donated, THANK YOU so much! Together I believe we are being God's hands and feet, whether it's giving or going.

I installed this donate button and posted it on the left side of my blog. Click on it to donate online. If you'd rather send a check or would like to receive a fundraising letter with more information, email me at aubrie2@ksu.edu.

Thanks so much!