I found out tonight that Casas por Cristo is for sure expanding to San Raimundo, Guatemala, and can I just say that I am PUMPED! Even though I know I'm most likely not going there anytime soon, I am so excited for what God is doing in the ministry.
So I was reading through the country profile that Casas put up on their site (www.casasporcristo.org) and I see this:
"The Guatemalan school year runs from January through October. Students get a break during the harvest season, which is May through December. Most children grow up to work in the service industry in some capacity. Children are expected to attend school for six years, but nation-wide attendance is only 41%, and 70% of the population is illiterate. Rut, the first Guatemalan woman to apply for one of our homes could not even sign her name on the application. We had to take her fingerprint instead."
When I read something like this it's like I get this feeling in my chest. An ache. A longing.
Sometimes I try to convince myself that I could just do a job outside of teaching, which I definitely could...but I don't really know if my heart would be in it. I want to teach. (I say this and part of my mind flashes back to kindergarten agony that I endured last spring. Yeah....)
I want children to feel like they have hope and a future. And here I am again with God saying, "Wait. Just wait. Be patient."
And I get this image in my head of myself yelling, "I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!" and crossing my arms and pouting. I am so mature.
And this is probably because I feel like I'm ready, but God knows I'm not. I have been inspired by so many people who follow God and he takes them to big places and big things. People who get to see the world and spread Christ's love to all different people of all different cultures and beliefs and backgrounds.
One passage comes to my mind as I write this:
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him, and he will act...Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." - Psalm 37:4-7
And so I will wait and try to learn to seriously trust him with everything that I have.
I think my heart's top three desires are these:
1) Serve God with my life
2) Go into missions and/or teach children of poverty (whether that's here in the US or abroad)
3) Get married and have a family. Part of me wants a big family...you know the kind where the front door is usually open and there are people coming and going.
I think #3 is kind of difficult for me though because the whole relationship thing is pretty terrifying to me...Maybe I'll work through that one someday. I better or my sister will keep trying to randomly get guys' numbers for me. I also, for those of you who know me, am pretty stubborn and I like to be the leader of things. I'm not sure how well that works out in the married world.
Random thought of the night: One of these days I am going to wake up and realize that I'm not 18 anymore...that I'm going to be 23 this year. All you older people can laugh, but 23 seems very weird to me. It is INSANE to me that like 50% of my friends are married now and graduated and on to their lives and jobs. That is crazy!
So my point is: I'm ready to grow up, but I'm not. It is a big world out there.
And that is how my crazy mind thinks right now.
Girl you and I are on the same channel. My biggest issue is also "waiting for God" and remaining patient.
ReplyDeleteI am just overwhelmed by the work that needs attention around the world, and I feel like I can make a strong impact...the issue is waiting for the opportunities. I have been crazy obsessed looking into summer volunteer jobs (that doesn't completely wipe out my bank account) and so far my summer plans are untouched and I want to make this count!
also don't want to get caught up in competing in a capitalist society for my own benefit (school). I want to apply my knowledge for good...as you do. The question I'm struggling with is "what then should I study?" .. "Which skills should I focus on improving?" (This spring I will receive my associates, then I will transfer to a University) At this point it's "which school should I even transfer to?"
many folks would say "that is too young to get married, and it's best to wait" But for midwestern girls like us, there's this pressure to be married 'young.' It's silly yes, but it's there. And even at only 20 I'm feeling it! My fb news feed is COVERED in baby photos and wedding pics from close friends and family. I feel like we entered that stage, and there's no going back :(
Like you, I am also kinda freaking out about getting older (Although I am a year or two behind you). I can't help but think about the prbability of me married with kids before I hit thirty--this gives me only so much time to "be patient." so I'm freaking out!! There's so much in our world to do, and right now because I do not have a husband or kids to support, I am valuable and am willing to live and work abroad, so at this point I'm saying "who needs me?" ...time just seems to be moving too fast and I have only so long to decide. (grr)
wow THIS comment blew up...I get I had to let out a little steam. hahah
it's is so exciting to hear CPC is expanding like this!!!! I love it! You have such a loving heart and I was a privilege serving along side of you verano pasado :)
Keep at it!! and remain patient :)
Erika Hazelrigg