observations.

Today I hit the library because I was bored. I love the library. Sharisse's sister and I agree that having a library-scented candle would the totally awesome. I especially like the teen books section. I just can't get into a lot of the grown up stuff yet! I love to spend some time diving into Meg Cabot or Lurlene McDaniel. My roommate Sarah and I have a mutual love for Lurlene. Journey of Hope was my inspiration to go into missions. Not kidding. You should check it out. But you will cry.

As I was scanning the shelves for nothing in particular I noticed a girl sitting in a chair at the end of the bookshelf. She was probably five-ish. And she was flipping through a magazine called M-14 or something like that. I don't even know. But she stopped on a page with a girl wearing almost nothing, skin shiny, long wavy hair and a flawless face. She stared at the picture for a while, and I can't help but wonder what was going through her little mind. That is just the beginning for most little girls. And they don't even realize it. (I realize that it is not proper to start sentences with the word "and," but I like the way it looks. Besides, famous authors do it.)

Anyways, that was my observation for the day. It kinda tore at my heart. Because the woman in the picture is who all girls strive to be but will never achieve. Photoshoppers call it art. I can't say I agree.

Dove puts these videos up and I like some of them. I know there's a whole argument about what Dove stands for because their products are like ruining the world or something (I don't know the story) but I like the videos because they are true. You can watch some of them on YouTube....one of them in particular is really good but has some nudity/plastic surgery/kinda graphic stuff so I didn't want to post it on here.

"By the grace of God, I am what I am." - 1 Corinthians 15:10

what's going on.

I've been wanting to write for a while, but wasn't sure what to post. I decided to put up some of the things God has been teaching me and just random stuff going on in my life.

1) Patience, patience, patience. As I watch some of my friends' lives taking off (I was supposed to graduate this year) I feel a sense of loneliness, although I am surrounded by good friends. God has blessed me with a great roommate, and because we're flying solo now in the apt. we hang out a lot! We are trying to plan an epic camping trip on very little cash. I am watching friends leave for jobs, internships, summer camps, and to serve in other countries. In church today I was thinking about how restless my heart has been, and it's like God was saying, "Aubrie, you need to chill out." I guess I feel like He's telling me that my life will "take off" soon enough. So I will be spending this summer in Bible study, reading, resting, hanging out and impacting the people around me. Compared to last summer, I feel....lazy? But I know that God is using me in ways that I probably don't realize. Things I don't miss about Mexico: getting sick a lot...that's it.

2) I have become addicted to America's Next Top Model. It does not help that every episode since season 1 is on YouTube. Gah. I need to get over it already! I guess I can't bash The Bachelor anymore!

3) I have been researching some different ministries I'd like to work for after I graduate. Many of them need ESL teachers and I've ALWAYS wanted to teach abroad. I'm looking at Makarios International and NICS...but we'll see. Part of me wouldn't mind teaching in the States if that's what God calls me to....but again I've ALWAYS wanted to teach abroad. :) It is so crazy to think that this journey may begin in just a year.

4) In talking about working for a ministry, most ministries require you to raise your own salary. I am terrified about this. It's not that I don't trust God to take care of me, I just don't like asking for money. And I have debt. Not a lot, but some. When I was 8 I struggled asking people to buy Girl Scout cookies...so we'll see how the money thing goes.

5) This summer I'm going to start training for my fourth half-marathon! I just don't know if I'll ever be hardcore enough to do a full. Kansas is so dang hot that I am going to have to get up at like the behind-crack of dawn to run. Because in Manhattan the creepers come out at night and there's no way I'm going out then! This race is in September in Omaha. Gonna be H.O.T. I've never been to Omaha. And I don't like Nebraska that much. But it should be fun!

If you've read to this point, I am sorry that I have nothing deep to tell you. Only that although the rapture has not happened, it will! One thing I want to work on this summer is living prepared.

"But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come. It is like a man going on a journey, when he leaves home and puts his servants in charge, each with his work, and commands the doorkeeper to stay awake. Therefore stay awake—for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or in the morning— lest he come suddenly and find you asleep. And what I say to you I say to all: Stay awake."
- Mark 13:32-36

Of course, God isn't saying, "YOU CAN NEVER GO TO SLEEP." Just be prepared. Today in church Pastor Ryan told us that we need to think about Christ before we go to sleep and when we get up...a good challenge. I hope this post finds you all well! Please let me know how I can be praying for any of you.

And again, I miss Mexico. Please, please, pray for the families this summer who are still waiting on homes. Many people will die in the heat this summer. Blunt and harsh? Yes. True? Definitely. Does it have to be that way? No. Interested in coming to build? Let me know!

Thanks to Google (and the original photographer) for the picture.

the road not taken.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. - Robert Frost

my heart is wandering.

Well, my goal tonight was to finish these portfolios, one for block 1 and one for ESL, but my mind and heart just aren't here.

It's been almost a year since I left for Mexico and God has done some amazing things in my life since then. I've cried, doubted, sought, laughed, remembered, learned, cried some more, crawled, run, faked it on the hard days, and pushed through two semesters of college that I thought I'd never see the end of. The first thing I want to say is this: to everyone at Casas, thank you. To the Roth's for taking us into your home, feeding us, playing games with us, teaching us. To my prayer partners (you know who you are :)) for praying for me and walking with me. To every woman at Casas for helping me see who God really desires me to be and not what the world desires me to be and for showing me what women are capable of. Each of you women has inspired me in a way that you will probably never know. I know that I left and said, "Thank you," but I don't think you realize how much my life has been changed by last summer. I saw things that broke my heart and I had times when I was ready to walk away. I made friends who are now like family to me. I know people from last summer on a deeper level than I know many of my good friends here.

I am realizing lately how blessed I am by the people around me. My Casas family, my family, my friends. My parents are also such an inspiration to me. Again, I remember the morning I was leaving for my internship, and I suddenly didn't want to go. I was all of a sudden terrified. And I came to my mom's bathroom, and I said, "I can't go." My mom hugged me, and we both cried, and she said, "You can do this." I will always remember that moment.

My dad and his hard-working self. My poor mom might have to keep him strapped down this week after his surgery so that he doesn't try to go to work! My sister, who always makes me laugh and encourages me. My fashion advice and my go-to when I need to steal a shirt or shampoo. My sister, from whom I would LOVE to steal shoes but she's the lucky one with the size 8 feet. These 10s ain't gettin' in those shoes. My brother who is the smartest person I know. My computer fixer and the person whom I know will make me laugh with some crazy post on my status on Facebook. My article finder for when it's 1 a.m. and I can't find anything to write my paper over.

In thinking about blessings I remember the things I miss.

I miss the smell of the cabins at SOTO (I can still remember it if I think hard enough) and how we all smelled when we left the river for the day.

I miss being outside those cabins and being able to see every star in existence.

I miss the 105 degree summers in Anthony and the feeling of the hot leather on the back of my legs in my dad's old F-150. I miss him driving me to school and singing Neil Diamond. I miss driving my mom crazy playing my favorite Alabama songs over and over in the van.

I miss having my best friend over for sleepovers, sleeping in the guest room in our old basement, freaking each other out, getting in trouble for being too loud, when we thought staying up past midnight was the cool thing to do.

I miss the butterflies before a big volleyball game. I miss being good at volleyball...apparently getting older doesn't help you get better at sports.

I miss playing the piano.

I miss the long days working at McDonald's with people from all walks of life, most of them more difficult walks than others. I miss running to Smoothie King and then coming back to talk with the girls about all the things high school girls talk about. I guess McDonald's was the cool place to be.

I miss my little red Mustang with the purple steering wheel cover.

I miss camping out at the lake with all the other Girl Scouts and getting in trouble for our tent being a pit. Thirteen years later my room may still look like the inside of that tent.

I miss the feeling of dirt under my nails, sore muscles, and rough hands. I know, you're like, "Um, that's weird." I remember once in youth group Brian told us we'd better get used to being weird if we wanted to follow Christ. I'm okay with that.

I miss holding those beautiful babies in Juarez and praying that God would use their new home to brighten their future and lead them to Him.

I miss Wednesday nights in the Cave and learning more about Christ, being encouraged by my friends, and heading to Freddy's afterward for custard and fries.

I miss when homework was easy and I didn't care if my clothes matched. Okay, the last one hasn't changed.

I miss a lot of things...and I am realizing when I look back on these things how much God has given me. And I'm ready to give back. And now that I have gotten all this off my chest...it's time to finish those portfolios. Because I can't go anywhere until I have this degree. One year and counting.