just being honest.

So, my friend Brian posted about discouragement a couple days ago, and that's exactly what this post is going to be about.

To be honest with you guys, I have not been okay the last few days. I've been more sad than I probably have been in a while, and I don't like it. For those of you that know me, I'm not a sad person! But lately all I feel like doing is sleeping and running. Some people eat, some people watch endless movies, some people work work work. I run. I could probably run myself into the ground if I had the time to keep going.

I watch my friends work on projects and complete their assignments and I just can't do it. I've stayed caught up with everything, but I have a couple huge projects that are due in December and for some reason I can't wrap my mind around them. Sometimes I wonder if some things are difficult for me now because school used to come really easy for me. I didn't really used to have to actually work on stuff, and now that I do it's just super overwhelming.

And they're pushing for us to start job searching, and I honestly have no clue what to do. I want to end up somewhere in Texas, but there's jobs all over the United States and the world. (Not quite ready to take the international leap yet). My cover letter and resume sit unfinished on the desktop of my computer, because I'm not quite sure what to write about myself.

Lately I feel like Satan has just been shoving things in my face. Things like, "You'll never make it. You're gonna be a sucky teacher. Why aren't you prettier, funnier, more outgoing?"

And I honestly know that these things aren't true. I know that if I desire to be a good teacher, I will be. And Tuesday in class I had to write a rap about boys and do it in front of the entire class and, well, everyone laughed, so I guess I'm funny at times.

The point is, like Brian says in his post, we all are dealing with discouragement at some point in our lives. And God has put amazing people in our lives to help us with that. I called my mom yesterday and basically bawled my eyes out to her. She's the best at listening, and sometimes that's what you need.

I want out of this rut, and I know it will happen. December will come, I will survive, and I will turn in all my projects, and I'll pass just like every semester before. Part of me wishes it would hurry up, but part of me is like, "Whoa! Slow down!"

Please don't think this is me writing about my pity party....this post is my honest prayer request. Please pray that I will be a good teacher, a good student, and even better, a friend and example of Christ to those in need. Because I haven't been doing well at that lately.

My favorite rapper Lecrae said, "Can they tell you value Jesus by the way you rep his name?"

I sure hope so. I really do.