various rants and thoughts.

Have you ever been reading through something and it just hit you wrong, made your stomach turn a little, made you wonder? Well, the other day I was scrolling through Twitter, reading different people's posts about life and random stuff. And I came across one posted by a certain Christian music artist that said something along the lines of, "Don't know God's will for your life? Find where you're happiest."

And I have to say that I disagree...somewhat. I believe there are people all over the world living in God's will who may or may not be happy with what they've been dealt. Missionaries who are being persecuted daily, people in general being persecuted daily for their faith in Christ. I mean, look at the prophets in the Bible! Jeremiah was called the weeping prophet for a reason. Isaiah probably wasn't too happy that God called him to preach judgment on the "deaf and blind" people of Judah. And I don't think Jesus was too happy sometimes either. I mean, he prayed that God would find another way besides the excruciating death he knew was coming.

Many of my thoughts lately have been focused on God and his will for my life. Mainly wondering lately how my internship and time spent in Mexico fits into the rest of my life. Because honestly part of me feels like if I go another way (staying here), I am guilty of forgetting about the suffering going on in the world. I realize I'm not going to get to heaven someday and have God say, "Well, sorry, your salvation is void because you didn't spend such-and-such amount of time in another country." (We could go into salvation by works or faith, but....not tonight).

I am in awe of how I am changing this summer. I have no doubt been in a spiritual valley. But it weirds me out that I am even thinking about doing anything besides missions. Because missions has been my passion for the past four years.

But you know what the exciting thing is that I am learning?

God has my life in his hands. I have a year before graduation. And I have my whole life ahead of me (God-permitting). I know that our God is a missional God...which means he is constantly moving and constantly molding us and shaping our hearts. So maybe I will impact lives of students in an inner-city school here and then God will move me to another country or another State or another career.

Anyways, that's enough of that rant for tonight. Oh, and I'm not saying that if you're happy, you're not in God's will. Just saying that I don't know if we should base our decisions just on happiness. Happiness is different than finding joy in the difficult parts of your life. (Does that make sense?) Happiness. Joy. Different.

Second thought of the night...while in said spiritual valley, my attitude has sucked this summer about many things. I've snapped at people, slacked off, complained, and wanted to slack off some more. And that's just not me. Last summer I was working 12+ hour days. And I was exhausted and sick (literally sometimes). Now I work 7 hour days, I'm a little hungry and grouchy...yeah. No reason to complain really.

So Tuesday, I decided to shape it up. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men..." I guess I desire that to be my focus from now on. Of course, I get burnt out and cranky and I just don't want to "work heartily." But instead of slacking off, I'd like to go to God and say, "Hey, I'm tired. Make me new."

***Last thought, and most random-est: if you haven't heard of Groove Shark, you should try it out. It's basically like Pandora, except you get to pick the songs you want to listen to.***

I am blessed beyond belief. And it's been an awesome summer so far.