Well...I can't believe it's here. December. I have been wrestling all semester with faith, with the fact that every day I get to come home and get in my warm bed, I get to go to a job where I make more in a day than many families around the world make in a month, I get to eat at least three times a day, and if you know me you know I eat way more than three times a day.
You all are probably sick and tired of hearing me talk about Mexico, about poverty, about being changed. I wanted to say, "I'm sorry,"...but really, I'm not. You don't go through something like that and not let it change you. Last week I came home, got in the shower, and stood there in the hot water literally feeling sick about myself. Why do I get to sleep in an apartment where even when the heat isn't on I am not freezing? I know people who this winter will not get to shower because the water is freezing.
I have been changed spiritually but what scares me the most is that I'm not sure people see it. I'm not sure I show it. I come home and instead of doing homework I flip on my favorite show or get on Facebook. And I don't know how to break out of this funk that I've gotten myself into. There's a song by Barlow Girl and the lyrics are, "How can we be silent, when a fire burns inside us?" Why am I silent? Why, when I know the girl sitting next to me or behind me in class struggles so much with life? Why will I talk about the fact that I hate writing papers, or the great deal I got on a pair of jeans, instead of how much Christ loves YOU? Why can't I step out? This is something I struggle with DAILY.
God has carried me so far this semester. I left in May unsure of myself, quiet, and with a lack of self-confidence. I came back in August an emotional wreck, changed forever, newly confident in God and in His calling on my life, and now I stand here four months later and say, "I am stronger. I am ready to be used by You." But why don't I see it?
Last weekend I got the opportunity to go to Dallas and run a half marathon. It was a blast! Sharisse+Liz+Aubrie navigating Dallas=lots of laughs and confusion. My mom gave me one of those TomToms navigation system things and it is HILARIOUS. By the end of the trip we were mimicking him (yes, him not it).
"Keep left, then keep right." - TomTom "WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!" - me "Keep left then do a pirouette in the middle of the highway, then take the motorway." - Liz+fake British accent
I am very glad Liz is from Denver, or Sharisse and I would have been very lost. Sharisse and I were good at jumping on the beds of an expensive hotel room and testing out the pillows. I was good at eating, sleeping, and forgetting Raphael's packet in our hotel room so we had to go back and get it.
I had a blast with my friends this weekend. I am so blessed. :)
I'm not sure how running 13.1 miles is a blast, but when you cross that finish line, it's one of the best feelings in the world. I am hooked. As I was running I was thinking about how everyone was getting along. Everyone encouraged one another. Spectators held signs like, "I'm cheering for YOUR PR" and people I didn't even know were reading my bib and saying, "Go Aubrie! You're almost there!" People wearing different sports teams, people of different backgrounds, people in Santa suits and banana outfits, 80 year-old men and high schoolers. Whether people were cheering or running, we were together. Running in a marathon with 20,000+ other people is one of the most awesome experiences ever. If you haven't done it, you need to. "I'm not a runner," isn't an excuse. I was the one in high school track that would do ANYTHING to avoid the 80-minute Saturday morning runs. And if I had to go I complained the whole way. Hundreds of people in wheelchairs, and people with prosthetic legs, people who are blind run these marathons. I'm telling you, it's awesome. So sign yourself up! Who says you have to run the whole thing? Or at least get out and cheer during a marathon!! Those high fives and smiles at mile 10 make you think, "Okay, I'm almost there! I can make it!"
I just wanted to do a quick post and let you know where I'm at in life. Please, leave me a comment about where YOU are and what I can be praying about for you (I'm not kidding. Please do it!!) I filled out my application to return to Casas for a second internship...and I am very excited yet broken-hearted at the same time. Excited because I love it there, broken-hearted because I will be leaving my family again (however, there's always the possibility that door won't be opened and I will be here next summer). But I guess that's part of growing up. I am so blessed to get to see my family as often as I do. And blessed that they are so awesome. I think my dad makes me laugh every time we go out to eat now. He will say just about anything!
PS. If you are reading this and have donated/prayed for our group going to Mexico this winter, I am so grateful and the team is too. Thank you for helping us give a family a home in the 20 degree weather. One of the biggest misunderstandings is that it is warm in Juarez this time of year. It was 19 there the other night and there is a three year waiting list of families who have signed up for a house. If you'd like to know how you can go build or get on a team, please let me know. Please pray for me, Kalynn, Sarah, Stephanie, Sharisse, Heather, Micki, Lehr, Raphael, and Alexis as we build for Eustaquio and Maria December 27th thru January 1st.